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Monday, 21 January 2013

                      !   HULA - HULA  SKUNK  !               5 / 2 / 13 

                   PER ARDUA AD ASTRABUS
                                      Pope's words reverberate around Vatican 
                                Abuse enquiry findings leave Church traumatised:
                                  Priest discovered who hasn't interfered with children

     A stunned Pope today abandoned His popemobile, speeding out of 
    TheVatican in His souped-up VauxhallAstra.    He screamed:   
                                Okay, yes, so we've found a priest who can safely talk about  priest holes
                                          without other things being re(a)d into it . !?.  but that's not the point here, really 
                                          ?is it ..  I mean  these findings have left us all with a very nasty taste in the mouth        .

                                                                           Gloria Gaynor   /     PHF    /     Charlie Drake
                                                Steemin Onkyl

             ?KIDDIFIDDLABUS     ! !       KIDDIFIDDLABUS   ?
                                          SHOOTEMUPANUS   WITHMYBLUNDERBUSS
                                                                             Charlton Heston

Dear Mr Heston-Charlton
Thanks for that. 
! We agree!  That's the only way to deal with the  Saville Crowd,  as TheKammerleg and I jokingly call them   ...
That aside,  can? we put on record here our approval of your reasoned, nay reasonable approach to gun
worship.    May we also add that we are both massive fans of your work !?  -  El Cid  remains our very 
favourite film of all time . ..  and not far behind this, of course,  the sequel:  Well ?! Sid , that incisive study
of Sid James' doomed affair with HattyJakes in a Benidorm time-share; a film for which, if we remember correctly,
you were nominated for  BestActor  . . . ...        and Best Actress                           !
On a more serious note, we must refer you to  The Blunder Bus , to which you refer (above.)
Let us say this  here and now : We are going to need the vehicle back  asap   really   (! if that's okay with you)
You see, Errol , the thing is  there's an election coming up  not-far-round-the-corner-and-over-the-horizon.
And  The Blunder Bus  is  indisputably indispensable to us touring around the country on our election drive.
We are sure you understand.
Many thanks in anticipation.

(The) Kammerleg

                                   HULA-HULA !HUHNE           7  . 2 . 13

              PUNTS !
          Punts  mean  Pryce's !     A Disgraced Minister's Ex confesses:

                           Look,! this is the point: He had my pants, I took his punts.
                           How is that fair ?! I ask you.  But he deserved it  !
                           Y'see, every time I tried to pin him down, to get him to face
                           up to his responsibilities, he'd speed off down The River Cam in
                           one of his souped-up punts, just to avoid me ! .. ME   !  !
                           so I took all of his wretched boats, ? didn't I  .. !
                           Of course, he didn't believe I could stoop so low, but he'd driven
                           me to it.     LOOK  !  I TOOK YOUR  PUNTS  
                           I'd scream at him  but he wouldn't hear it ..
                                                            I TOOK YOUR  . .      (still he wasn't listening )
                                                                FUCKING    PUNTS                                 !
     Notley Sinkem          
                                                  sirs WalterRaleigh&JackLemmon           
                                                                                                                   lance armstrong

                                                             writ 2 jeremy hunt                         saying:
                                                                  interfere with   my  speling
                                                                                      hunt writ back    
                                             saying    1 in 4 people get WinterVomiting ! 
                                                           1 in 4 people 
                                            have literacy issues  -  also Fact           .
                                               !! go figure
                       AARON SPELLING                                                                                               kim jong-IL


                                                        CLARITY BEGIN AT HOME
       25  years  of  Red Nose
                                          erase social inequality
     Thank ! God                                                    NO    !!    Thank  Grace
                                                                                 We aint been exposed
2 just such years of RedFace             .

           Menkl Noseyit                                                                                        TheVikarOfDibley
Toni Yesmenkl                                                                Edmund Blackadder


                                            THE (UN)ANSWERED QUESTION(s)  
                                            the      Question   raised  on  television:                            
 ? does northern ireland give a bad name to Religion
                                                                               i turn on its head      
                     and re-frame ( it )                                              instead:
 ?   does Religion give a bad name to justabouteverything that fall under its jurisdiction
                                                                                                                                                              which i answer
                                                         with anotherQuestion :
                        is the pope A katholik   ?!
                     ( OR    Can a duck swim    ?)                                           in   secular   invention     
                                                                                                     YE SILENT MO (N) K
                                                                                                                      KLOSET ENNYMI
                                                                                        Jims Davidson&Trott
                                                                                        The SkippyTheBushKangarooHelpline Trust
                                                                                        Rolf Harris Way

   When the snows fall
                                                       their  view  of   the    media      as a    means
                                                                                                                of mass control
   succumb to drift   .
                                 And to that Cold-Brit-Logik :    who's nicked  ?
                                                                                              the fuckin(g)  grit    !?

                                                 Nik Yesmolten ; NickGriffin ;  nicholas cage             


    If   the  Weld  realey  doth  ende  on     21/12/12   
   all of those wordes writ afterwardes 
   e.g. the 21 daye of the verey next monthe (21/1/13)    be   
   -  not(t) 2 putte 2 fine a poynte on it  -    prettymuchemeaninglesse
   If the  Weld  realey doth NOT ende  on     21/12/12   
   all of those wordes writ afterwardes 
   e.g. the 21 daye of the verey next monthe (21/1/13)    be    
   -  not(t) 2 putte 2 fine a poynte on it  -    prettymuchemeaninglesse

                         NOSTLIKEYMEN    (Jim Davidson:  TheDoctorWho Years )

        Thanks! for that, N.

        There come a time when Time is of no consequence.  That time is now.
        ?So why not pick a day when all events past, present and future,  are seen to happen during
        that same 24 hours !?   
        All news thus is of significance and of no significance,  and rolls into one giant ball of
        meaningfulness and meaninglessness  . . ...  .
        Such is this day : January 21, 2013; exactly one month after  TheEndOfTheWorld (as we knew it.)
        It's as good a day as any.
                                                                                                                                                             Sikment Loyne

SIKMENT LOYNE :   So, !let's be absolutely clear here, can we ?Ms ?Ynnit . . ..   
                                    OpraWinfeeTV  paid you lots of money to interview a   world-famous cyclist  !? 
                           and, with millions watching,  to ask Him extremelysearchingquestions  .. .
                           Why . .. ?  ..  

KOLEE ?YNNIT(MS): Well, first in 4most,  I think they wanted to give people like me .. people of
                            my kolor I meen.  To give us a chance to shine  !? innit

SL :                            People who are sun-lamp rouge ?  I take it                                                   

K?Y :                            . .. !YEAH  .  .   What  ?   ! .  .

SL :                            In the interview, you got on to  drugs  of course  ..  pretty quickly   !

K?Y :                          Yeah.   A bit of speed neva dun no one no 'arm  ?didit ! innit?  ..  Look.  !    I neaded summat
                           to get me thro   2 cope with the presure ..     You wont tell nobody  !will ya   Sik  !?
                           i meen ..  It did'nt show   didit       ( innit)   ?

SL :                            .. . . No,  Kolee .. !  No slip was showing at all.  .  ...  
                          Aside of the fact that your grammar was quite perfect,  you kept calling Him  Biggles ,  
                          and your obvious reference to  the  Tueur de France  had everyone thinking
                          you were talking about Sarkozy.    Apart from that  .  ..  !hmmm !

K?Y                      ... . !  What    ? ..   YEAH . .   !             

                         The Interview

   K?Y(ms):                   speedily        At any point (since the Tueur de France) have you (Biggles ) met with Sue Barker ?
   WorldFamousCyclist:  . .   pause  .. Yes.
   K ?Y :                         speedily        At any time during these meeting(s)  did you ( Biggles) refer to her as  Susan  ?
   WFC :                          .. . pause . . Yes.
   K ?Y :                         speedily       And  is it true that in one such meeting you ( Biggles ) called her Susan four times 
                                                         .   ?.. .   earning her thenceforth the title  TheFourSusans   ?!
   WFC :                           ..  pause ... Yes.

                           the sic(k) bird surround the outlawed truck       and salivate

             predator lie still.
                                      Prey jump on the band-wagon                   ( sic) 
                                                                                       'til made  ill-egal .

taken from   ThePastorHenryFrogTravelBlog:
           Hitting the road: Me, Eddie StowBart 
                                         & the secreted Simpson boy
                                                    (Frog/Davidson   Ed.)  

    The conjoined twins  Milo & Moli Tenensky  refer to their rancorous split
           and their final tour which preceded it.

   !Look, we were touring Cornwall with our  JimDavidsonTributeAct  -  LAD'S END -  y''know. ..
   I guess the stress got to us really  to be honest.    We had such mighty rows about the best
   way to ' do ' James (Davidson),  so we settled on a routine which suggested two caring fathers
   chastising a shitty child ..  . .   Patter familiar and all that  .  .
                                                 Patter too-fucking-familiar if you ask  us  ... .   me 
   MILO TENENSKY                                                                                         MOLI TENENSKY

         Separation     Should   not   be   Seen   Solely   as   an   act   of   Science
                                                                                                           the    ( )wingle    ( )inger( )

  .. .!?  but  should  a  sole  ( sic)  be  seen     separately    as an act of  Guppy Love    ? !
      taken from     Let The Frog Follow The Fish :  In Search Of Aguppy Love    (Frog/Guppy  ed.)

                ! I'M JUST VERY CONFUSED    !
                                                                       Claudia WingleMan / Ally McCoist

Thus, when William Wallace ( Braveheart ) return to his clan after his wee wanderings,
it strikes me that had his old friend's mighty boulder landed on him rather than just
miss him,  then Scottish football might have turned out very differently .  . ..            !

  - We're just very confused, ?aren't we  boys ?! ..? Gary .. Ally  ?
  - Oh! aye, John  . ...   Oh aye !
                                                Lineke-Motsyn                             ally mccoist

              if broadcast news bore any semblance of truth, we'd all be richard nixon's Lovechild

      On sixth pip        .       .       .       .       .      news off!    .
                                                        Arkwright serve well ;    head-spinning
                                                                                           hearty            nursey        stuff
Ronnie Barker                             Menkl Noseyit
Susan  Barker               Toni Yesmenkl
                                                             Leo & Oli Nitemynks                                                      Oli & Lio Semen-Kynt


                                         OILY SKANK                     26. 1. 13

                                                       ! DEMMES

The  soon2be-well-known-tho-not-yet-named  Director of a Paediatric unit 
in  a  well-known-tho-not-yet-named  Hospital  was today duly suspended from Duty.
Apparently  He dressed up as a St.Trinian's  schoolgirl   and forced vulnerable
children to watch the controversial film  Lolita,  taping up their mouths
to prevent potential protest.
On top of these shenanigans, he compelled His staff  to put on 
JonathanDemme  face-masks.
To compound the misery, PM Kammerleg  were undertaking a state visit 
of the hospital at the time.
After the visit, theKammerleg commented:  
Well!, dear   theHospital's in a bit of a state  ?isn't it , budget-wise !

The Doc


OILY SKANK                                                      26/1/13

Castrate !  him /them


Look!,  not to beat about the bush here   -  this has been blown out of all proportion,  really.
The point is this  actually:  I'd worked alongside the Director to organise a  French Day,
y'know  . .   it was all done tongue-in-cheek so to speak,  if you get my drift.
The lingerie, y'see  . ..     and we'd put an acute accent on the second E  in   Demme
( thus  Dem-ay),   if you get my drift.
And to complete the Gallic theme, the staff hugged  and  kissed        -          ! mwah         mwah  !
and generally frolicked about the plaice .. .
It was just a bit of harmless fun  and not !even anti-French.   Stereotypical?. . Moi ..? ! ?.  Moi



                                  oohLaLaa ! spunk

          saville shagged my hamster    !
            and  davidson                                                             and  hall                                                   etal

. . .....  well,  It  was no ordinary hamster  *

* engelbert humperdinck   ( CharlesAznavour :The Teletubby Years)


Our great-grandmothers be gobsmacked at why anyone might want to bang up a bang up-to-date comedian

  ? Nick-Nick      nicked     ?                              not ! yet
  ? Nick-Nick      Nick-Nick             nicked      ?           not ! yet
                ?  Nick-Nick                 nicked      ?                                 O  YES!                      !
                                                                      Nik Yesmolten
                         jim davidson                                                                                       CHURCHILL

The avant-garde composer, Luigi Nono ( WorldCups 1924-90)  take a while to warm up
   but finally finds his feet in a head2head against Jim Trott  (TheVicarOfDibley) 

                                        ....  .   !    Nono      

  Nono       Nono      Nono          Nono           Nono      Nono       Nono    .  .   ..!                  
                                                  !  YES  !
                                                                                  MOTSYN-LINEKE /

              The Usual Suspekts  /