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Monday, 11 December 2017



      SO  SHE  CAN  BE   A    HOPPY,  
      TOURING  THE  UK  IN  MARCH, 2018, 
      AND  THE  WORLD  (well ! some of it )  IN  LATE  2018


        NOW                       ( !please)



                      Simon Kentley

- no ? Doc

- no !Kolee

- but what if something goes wrong ?   ! and there's no Doc   to

- something has gone wrong   Kolee    very ! wrong

- ?what you chattin'  on   Prof              

- it's the Doc    Kolee        ! done for 

- what you mean     ?      like       O  !   NO   !  IT CANT BE      !shirley  not

- i'm afraid so       
  born under a comet      
  just like Cheggers
  died under the same comet
  just like Cheggers
  only minutes between them   too
  in age      apparently

- comet still going  !  ? then     

- as of today   !yes

- well ! thats the last time I go and spend all my hard-earned cash
  buying up the store
  !bargains-of-all-bargains  indood
  likwidation   my ! ass

- of course  it's not just Doc and Cheggers  who were comet-afflicted
  Mark Twain was too ?y'know    the writer of  Huck Finn    that is
  very different time and place  mind ! you

- the geeza wot writ that story ?! 'bout the killer shark 
  well there's a guy whats spend too much time in  comet  ! suresure
  he so had it comin' 2  'im  !!  if u ask me

- we've all got it coming to us   Ms ?Ynnit                         !
  and today of all daze                                                   .

-  ?!  can anyone be more sorely missed  than  Chegz

-   sorely not

-   and can anyone ? be mssin' Chegz  more than us 
    more than  moi  !    sindood

-  sorely  so


-  i dont think anyone is missin Chegz more than the peeps
   in the Vatikan    imho   !  even us to boot     tbph

-  ?! the Vatikan

-  !yup    you never watched   Cheggers Plays Pope   then
   obviosly  when you was?  growin' up


-  ?  !  d'u  have a fave mo  u'd like 2 share   
   from  The DOOD   i meen

-  d'u  meen  Chegz   or  ?  theDoc   !actualy

-  well either reely     tbph

-  well  in that case   then  !yuss  i do  
   imho  'twas  that  quiz show they don  in the abso buff naked ?  
   !  rememba
   co-compered with that bigbrownfuzybear  from  Rainbow

-  o(H!)   The Naked Bungle   !  ?remember


-  o(!H)     we didna  know weather to laff or cry   we ! didna 

-  butt wen  we did finally  know 
   we ended up laffin' and/or  cryin' so much
   that  we diddna no wether  we were laffin/cryin'   
   at   or   with(e)

-  m!m(H)m  
   at  or  with(e)  Chegz   ?
   at  or  with(e)  theDoc  !  sindood


Sunday, 10 December 2017

  WHEN  4

                         when called   too  tangent(i)al 

        he  blast  out   the sun ray lamp

                                            !   hellymental     

                              when  called    t(w)(o)o   tangenital

      their  re-shaped underpants

                 prove   essential

    when  his work  lamb(l)asted

                      he   round up the sheep   and  UV   them

                                                                                                   drastic       !

                                                        when  UV Ray    join  UV(F)

                                                                                                  glimmer of hope

                                                          drowned  in  prottie  Faith

taken from

     when  the  River end   In   Paisley
                                                    Catholic Scots
                                      be  hung    out   to  dry

                                                                 THE DOC


Friday, 8 December 2017

?Y :  !O(h) you aint 'eard the news have you Prof ? shirley                otherwise you wooden still have a face like a slapped 'orse

L :

?Y :  its been on FoxRoundTheKlox   plus  HouseyHousey  the noo 
    internet station coming from the Palace  you must have caught        it ?! sikment

L :    Well unless you tell me, Ms ?Ynnit, that the human race has          been given a stay of execution in being put out of its              interminable misery  after Ye-Olde-Farte and Kimmy Long-One          owned up to their secret love affair  
    or that Pat Riarchy is a dead duck now that Riarchy 
    has renounced Catholicism  and all children called Pat; 
    unless you can tell me that,  Ms ?Ynnit, then   !   well  

?Y :

L :  So what's the news ?   ! please advise pray

?Y :  well Gods been listening to my suplements afty all   I can't        believe it  cant believe you dunt know it  neither    
    it's  Ted    been given a night-hood-MBE    
    TED  !  for cristsake  i tell ya

L :   !?Bundy      ?      !   Rogers       

?Y :   Nah Sheerdan   stoopid!   Ted Sheerdan   !  got an MBE  ?didnt      it?    WAH!OO     u really !? aint 'erd  ?

L :    No. The Nursery Nonce wasn't delivered today due to inclement      weather

?Y :

L :   Look!, I'm really pleased    for you  of course   but before 
    you get too carried away, Kolee, I should warn you that your
    much admired 'MBE' is more malignant than you might give it          credit for;  it may not be all its cracked up to be 
    (and by this I don't mean some six-year-old recipient 
    going against protocol, stroking the Prince's cheek
    then inserting the insignia up somewhere insurmountable)

?Y :  i dont believ you Sik  !!  first of all  Prince was never 
    nighted  neitha dead nor alive   imho 
    and third he werent no royal thats for shirley   
    butt beside that i find your  attitude re royalty
    both specialy and in general  well   a tad disrespectful  tbph

L :    mmH!Mmm  of course  ?Y,  you do know what the akro MBE 
    actually stand for, I presume, and it's got abso nothing to do      with Ted Sheerdan being a 'Member'.
    But it is part & parcel of another story, a much bigger story, 
    a  personal  s

?Y :  well just shuthefukup!  and gerron'wi'it  then  
    I aint a clue as2wot yer bangin' on abutt   tbah
    so juss give us yer story  !will'ya  ?yeah       
    (s)O(!h) do tell  -  prey


       where  Sikment Loyne (Prof. )  tell  Kolee ?Ynnit ( Ms.)
                    the real meaning of  the MBE  
                                as well as  its   and his own  relationship  to Ted Sheerdon
                                                                                                             ( and  the  Doc  look  on  
                                                                                                           in case anything go wrong )

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

  some time                                                   some plaice   
later  or  sooner      who knows  ?! really
                                                                           t b p h

EL STINKYMENO :   we have to say  Kolee   about Sikment  that he       erm  
                                    well   ?! hasn't he aged

        ?YNNIT (ms.) :   ?From when to when exactly

                       EL S :   well from the last time we saw him of course    
                                    he's not looking so well   itbk

                          ?Y :    Death does that to you   suresure   and he's starting to whiff a bit too 
                                     but that cant be helped   you'll get used     just that no-one could bare                                             dispose of him   let alone touch him       death does that to you  
                                     dont? you know     !         sorry 'bout the smell   btw 

                      EL S :     o(!h)    we     we  hadn't    well   its

                         ?Y :     The sarnies  you see      think the fish ! may have gone         sorry  


                                                                                    abbrev. extract
                                                                                           taken from an original short story:
                                                                WHEN SOLE FUCK OFF 
                                                                   BODY LEFT    HANG OUT TO DRY
                                                                     COME HELL OR HIGH WATER             !
                                                                                            Monty Le Sinke (pub)
                                                                                   Slinkynet  Emo (ed.)


We find Jean Hackman in consultation with Kolee ?Ynnit(ms)
The tone is a serious one.
Hackman is dutifully supported by Lt. Monkiesyne, in an official capacity, and by The Doc, in case anything goes wrong.
H bends down on creaky knee to a video player and inserts a cassette 

H :        gesturing to cassette box    Professor Loyne bequeathed this to you
Lt. M :  !He didn't just give you erudition, K
Doc :     !No, gave U a VHS too
H :        (!H)mmm   yes   thanks  er    Doc      Let's just watch it, shall ? we   
              the video plays         Powerful memories  ?!eh,  Ms?Y
?Y :       Bit shaky isn't? it
H :         It was taken on a hand-held. It's what you'd expect really.
              Touching though, don't ?you think
              Still it's legacy,  Kolee,  at the end of the day.  !Legacy
?Y :       I thought it was Vivaldi  actually  tho'  t b p h   it's very difficult to hear the music
              properly above all that din
H:         Ah, picket lines then were not what they are now.  Dangerous times, y'see, Kol,
             dangerous times.  Socio-p;olitico-historico: Form & content; content & context; context &                   That's our heritage then
?Y :      Hairy tashes certainly in abundance  suresure
H :       Well  solidarity,   brotherhood
?Y :      And sisterhood too it would seem
H :        Ah! the lot of the miner, ms ?Ynnit,  ne'er a happy one
?Y :      And !bugger weren't there a lot of them   miners   
H : 
?Y :      Though those little ones were hefty back then indeed ! but still good to see that all that
             drink & drugs form the olden daze hadn't stunted growth.   Or anger.
H : 
?Y :     And ! what do you make of that fishwoman?,  so much in demand,      so loved    apparently
H :

Here, as we hear  Maggie!!Maggie!!Maggie!!TROUT!TROUT!TROUT!   screamed out, seemingly, ad-infinitum,  

Kolee ?Ynnit(ms) take her leave    and leaves     
with her collie dog, Keef-Or-Sutherland whom she addresses:
              Come on  Keef / Sutherland  !  Tis be tyme for us to go watch   24  (Season 23),
            you bad dog,  you !  !  pissin'  all over  Jean Hackman's boots

Toni Skylemen look on,  serioso


Tuesday, 5 December 2017

 LOYNE :  How's the collie's  collywobbles, ?! Kolee

?YNNIT :   d'ya mean hows ? me deaddog doin' since it passed into dead         ?
               OR  ?? !!   HAV U FORGOT  ?      agin 
               or ?!how am I doin'  havin' to face me dogz dead all on me loansome
               with no reel or ooman support    well just no reel  suport 
              'cuz  u aint  ooman really are?  U   Sik   !  you pompuss facefuk  
               i meen yer dont have the ooman feelins that oomans have  do ? yer   not ! reely  !

 LOYNE :   Well,   I'm sorry   if

?YNNIT :   well yor not are yer   so shutthefukup!kunt   sorry   i meen    not reely  
               not sorry enuff  anywize   leavin me all alone to face the hole cahoots 
               and all them unresolved implikashuns
               thats wots amaze me with all yer so-called  professed  astonishings
               that yer cudden even give the time o day at such a crisal skuldugin

 LOYNE :  Well you weren't strictly alone.  I mean,   ?!what about your parrot       O(!h)     I

?YNNIT :  yeh well  JUSS PISS OFF !SKWAKMONGER   ! O no  u  said it now cuz 
              ya dunt   even  rememba that   do?yer   that  you  YOU  were responsiv at that 
              sad-olde-byrds  demise    witch go 2 back up all i say  in a heartstop  
              tbpb   its a case in proof   your not all their  Loyne   never was  & never hasbeen     
              and when Kolee and her colly  mite of need a pal    wanted u allpallydoolly 
              u were awol  !? innit     &   on the pissrol  sindood

 LOYNE : Well  I

?YNNIT :  and  heres anotha fing   you   u   stickUpthearse twatprof     b / y / a / m     
              that dog shat over me in ways u cudden get close to       cud only  dream off      
              and  thats  not even 'alf of it     tbpb


Saturday, 2 December 2017

?Y :  How was the gig on the boat the other night  !? Sikment

  L :  Well I could say it was a bit of a washout 
        and they won't touch us again with a barge       mm!hm      butt that would be 
        disingenuous to the canal folk

?Y :

  L :  The jury's out in terms of how many of the audience were in it for the long haul  tbph  
        and how many actually had got the slightest clue as to  w t f  was going on;
        we decided to take a straw pole in the end

?Y :  

  L :  Tbph  a barge pole made out of straw isn't the most efficacious thing in the world 
        so they were hardly going to miss it ?! were they

?Y :


  L :  Butt it's one in the eye at least for East European migrant farm labour figures

?Y : 

Thursday, 30 November 2017

And then Ms Kolee ?Ynnit said : weve not done so bad ?y'know since our first show when just a man and a dog showed up       
And Professor Sikment Loyne said nothing.
And then ?Ynnit said : cuz by the next time wed got otis & tosi there   and bill murray showed up ?rememba   with that mate 
?yknow  that karakter who go thro' the same day again and again  
as a dog ....oh  yeah  . . spaniel day lewis  ! innit    
And Loyne said nothing.
And then ?Ynnit said :  and soon peeps are literaly floodin in to our shows   and sudenly audience figures have gone thro' the woof
And Loyne said nothing.

                                          taken from 
                                          AND THIS IS WHAT WAS SAID
                                           Yomti Kennels
                                                                                            YeSilentMonk & Nostlikeymen