Follow by Email

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

                                                                                                          (  prettye muche  )

    Ms ?Ynnit  ( Kolee )
    Kelostemy Inn

    We know ?do we not  that, in contrast to winter,  
    a writer starts, should start from what they know.
    But where? does a freak start really, and a fraudulent freek to boo(t)
    Well we know where He ends up. 
    In the shade-fearing, godsearing sun.  
    Without food & water.
    Abandoning under bushes luguminous laptop, 
    casting cranky mobile into disluscent canal.
    All'o'Which will allow his caulimanged ears to repair. to escape the sinking without grace
    that phase The Deseritus Monkey of Olden-Tymes.  O! I recognise, nay applaud your 
    reaction here - vacant rather than vacuous -    Not  HOW  butt  WHY   
    in the immortal words of   ( ! O they aint dead  yet      !buga  )
    U  c, K,  whether we are on the meensydneygreenstreets of Kelostemy Inn ,
    or some backdykewater  out in the K.I sublands, we are all, all !mark U, holy-cursed
    by the fact that to be born on a comet and to die on a comet is a stretch too far for us 
    ordinary peeps.  Never the twain, so to speak, or never the twin, in your case, Ms. ?Y,
    never the twin.
    We can and must surround ourselves with the important things in life.
    Here's the list:
    White work transits; ice-cream trucks; hand-job car washes; caravans;  driving schools;
    And these things positively emblem the four crucial conditions of life:
                                 That we fukked / more fukked / really fukked / holy fukked
    For we are all suckmongered by the two   ( ?or is it three  ) 
    Fundamental Points of  Existence:
   1.  If you must bet on the hearses, ensure that you fill out the slip with full creative     
   2.  Avoid! the faux  in all its many guises  -  reality,  personality,  capacity
   3.  Know your enemies butt don't !sleep with them ( necessarily )
   5.  Never  !  EVER acknowledge  those smiling, swanning - and worse, !waving - 
        canal bargers.  To do so is to give credibility to the sheerest of complacencies.
        (which you, K, I Know, will say is  very English .  
         Though it isn't  ( necessarily )    )
        hotchilled Professor in the blistering sun   .  .   me & Margarita  on the run

        ? ! dam/What was I thinkin'        leavin' a  pizza  out    in suche   heat     ?         !

    Find some shade   and !quick    For self-flogulation  take its toll.
    There's a rat scrummaging around some snozzling tramp - ! and in OUR park Kol, ffs  ! -       whilst a recumbent robin wonder what being  The Nation's No 1 Bird  ever really did for it.

    And, in the absence of majesty, fear and loathing take route.

    The 4 Degrees of Separation:  
    son  -  doing well / well enough ; 
    daughter  -  somewhere   (apparently ) ; 
    wife  - love(d)  -  separation ;  
    lover   -  love(d)  -  separation too,  bu(t)t  of a different  hugh.

    For I am, you well Know,  TheEnglishman  who went up  a-bit-of-a-dick
                                                                        and came down  a  completeanduttercunt.
    You see, sweetK,  when I assured you that there are just  4  psychobabblers worth their        salt, and that those FOUR would provide the solid bass for my progressive work with you
   -  Freud   Jung   Charcot      Ramsbottom-Goatworthy     -    well   I lied
   Truth is, I have grown tired of all this   just makin' shit up
   and your crisis of identity, evidenced in that welterwort of histerical info on you/us,
   stored (previously) on my now-stashed-in-some-canalside-stogbrush  laptop
   but now at rest here ( perhaps ) for all to see. For you to see, at least.

   It's New Year 2017, K ?Y
   I can't help you any more.
   !O  not because your lovely young daughter was the unfortunate victim of a party that
   got out of hand.
   Nothing whatever to do with that   actually.
   More that I don't recognise you any more, Ms. ?Ynnit  You've changed
   You dunt even talk2me like U used to when you first came to see me, 'erelong/ago .
   Still, it's no mendacity to believe that some of me has rubbed off on you,  is ? it
   That Eliza Lightsquall has learned how to be a less torrid party popper
   and just a tad more proper like    like her mentor  Prof Hurricane.
   Cuzz you're sounding more like The queen now, farting like her  surely.
   Why you'd even give some softsoap money away to barely-deserving c(l)auses 
   if you could afford it.

   But  WTF  tbph  f y i      ffs     I am just a tad badgered  by your fairly fay&feigned agro
   toward me   when  I    get  kwotin'  peeps  ( innit  )
   Of course you exaggerate, as is your want. You always have done, and always will,
   I susspish.
   Yes, you see my frust over my impot often 2 put thoughts2wordz, to pen my inspires, 
   which, for you, come from me bein' overdep on the deeds of others.
   Yet it trans that persp sharpen the mind, if not the soul    .   . . and as I heatsweat in the 
   midday I stick a pencil on my nose and do the Einstein Doze.
   here's how it goze :
   hothothot  frantikskrawljot   hothothot
   pensilnoze kwiksnooze
   pensilfall  wakejolt   more/frantikskrawljot
   here's how it pan out       4me :
   pensil - led/wood  
   pensilfall - ledbrake - jusswood
   (we got)  LedwoodWoodwood
   as  sun  beat  down  like  a  scald-cat
   I'm  a burnin'    like    TheWickerMan .

   Ever Yours

   SikmentLoyne The Prof



Friday, 9 June 2017

- you bin ill sik

- not exactly     no

- so where u bin then

- in hidin   so to speak

- mmm   playin yer classikals again    


- so wots afresh    ( then  )

- i'm esconced  Kol   in     and  away  from it all

- so wot u doin in fukkin  skotland   bro


-  i meen theres an erection on
   if u aint heard

- aah   the erection of generals      u see
  a case of which prick is going to
  consolidate  the  state of   ProtoFascism
  who's going to take us onto  the

- well from all i know
  frodo's got every rite 2bfukkd off
  & so wud u be
  with a bilboBaggins cuzzcuss    


-  O   FrodoFashism    ffs  
   its on all the soshial meed  
  where u bin    sik                        ( f f  s  )


- so      i tell u wh'appen  in the general    i meen
  election  that is     not hossy  stuff  btw
   nuff said on that fukshit  w(h)en were 'alfway thro
  the year alred
  its still turnin2shit

- family and politics  alike then
  like twin sisters
  all might seem to converge on the outside
  butt inside  never the twain                  so to speak


- mark my words  Kol
  !stay rite away from radioTVfones
  good news is a dead duck in the water
  the bad times are killing  us 
                           (modest mouse )


-  (well) maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both live again
   well i dont know i dont know  i dont know  ! dont think so

-  wtf  ffs  & all this has sweetFA to-do wiv y im writin 2 u (ffs)

   innit    if u realy wana no   b t w    
                                         ( ?Ynnit Ms. )

                                                                                                                                   4MLB x





- y'know  we  was talkin' about UKIP  and i says i was thinkin bout votin(g)    forum

-  really

- well they gorrin  didnt they    
  o i know u didn-wana know  but now u do         so

- really

- and won by a landfill

- well no one deserves a landfill more than them

- anyhoo little england will be    BIG england       once  again
  once we learnin how stayin bein little 
 is the biggest thing we can do   in the sirks   actually

- what are we talking about here   really

- o juss fukoff wiv ur 'reallys'   sik   

  eastern euros o' cuss          
  thats why we need  border controls for 'em     
  actualy  UKIPs rite about peeps like  U  who have ur fancy houses
  out-in-the-muddel-of-nowhere and u dont have to live next door to 'em

- well controlling border collies  is of the essence     Kol      

  o-i-t-m-o-n    so to speak         and you'd know that anyhoo

- hmm                                  help dig england out of a hole

                                         all together
                                         build border controls
                                                                                     UKIP        sik

-  u dreamin' Kol              wake up  girl   and smell  the        shit


                                                                                                                             4MBLB xx


Monday, 10 April 2017

     The Four Susans  project is a year-long, multi-media, 
 work-in-process farrago, spawned by the espresso-fooled sprawl 
             to be found everywhere-yet-nowhere
        ( which is  a-bit-longer-than-a-year-long )

         All of this work be the (de)construct of
              The Discombobulates of Kelostemy Inn
  creators of and collaborators with&within the developing fable of                     The Four Susans

      Now if that make sense, you really haven't read it yet, 
      least not properly. And you will be wondering whether 
      it has anything at all to do with Antonio Vivaldi.
      Well ! brace yourself peeps,'cos there's not just  
      The Luton Wind  a-huffin' but The Vivaldi Wind to boot, 
         blown from The Bridge of Sighs to Kelostemy Inn,
                in the shape of a Giro' sister;
                     one of Tony's 'girls'
            As the drama unfold, we recommend that 
             !you 'ang on to yer Italianate 'ats

           And that's not hanging onto 500 cappellos
                          !     ! 
                     but ONE cappello  
                         500 times

Thursday, 6 April 2017

                                                                                         ( synopsis )

     Sleeping through winter's
                       bewitching beat, by the dead
                                                         Susan ?Ynnit's bed:
                                               The kook and the nanny;
                                  Sikment Loyne (prof),
     Kolee ?Ynnit (ms),  of course,
     known to Susan ?Y
                         as  Bitchy   -   crotchety  ma
                                                    & grandma  ?why not
                                               As for dad:  Wayne Wax,
                Scratchy,  crook unquestionably, 
     outsider too,
     flail provider
             who crack life out of Susan ?Y.
                                                      Kolee?   Well ! he try

                 Butt she    with Susan Giro spirit
                 form sistership    !   and sail on it



Wednesday, 5 April 2017


Shivering and frozen,
we cross the smorgered snow
in biting windspill,
running to and fro
to stamp our stinging feet.
We choke on bitter pill
of fire-tease appeasement,
as remote to us
as soaked outsiders  still.
And when we end up
arse over tit, we crack up,
just like the ice will
if we dilly-dally so.
!Homeward go, hard hearts,
with north wind bloodchill

For seeping through nook and cranny
be     Winter's     niagrous      timpani.

                                                             SOL KITENMYNE

                                                                      taken from
                                                                               Winter Sonnet   ( A. Vivaldi)

So peeps  I guess what we need to say to you  be  2-fold   tbph

Firstly, that  @  00.00.01  precisely  on  Friday, April 7 - KeyDate no. 17  of  64 KeyDates of 2017 -
at a second past midnite on that stoopidly early Friday am,  exactly 4 months after  K?Y(ms)  met with Sik Loyne(prof)   to discuss  familiar grapevine scandelabra   ? remember,  a meeting which itself was exactly  4 months after  NationalSistersDay 2016  ( in fact ), which saw the first appearance(s) of various  by Susan Giro,
and  exactly 4 months  before  NSD 2017,  which is likely to see (a) further appearance(s)  by the sa(i)d  SG  .   .       .
@ 00.00.01  precisely you will be directed  by  KOO  to a new site  ( Kelostemy Inn ) for the purpose
of the telling of the  story of   
?!?  okay

that some of you
- ! and you'll know who you are -
are   no longer welcome in  KelostemyInn ,
at least  that is  if you continue to go by your old  discredited names
rather than by  NEW  names  appropriate to  TheDiscombobulationOfKelostemyInn
there you have it

RhineRik Baumeister
Chav 'n Daze
Pastor Henry Frog
Jean Hackman
Yurgen Kinsman
Susan Tinny
Kolee Wax
Wayne Wax
Susan ?Ynnit,
you've had 17 seasons or more to sort your name out,

!sort it out


Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Lance Formaggioso

b   16.10.1661

d   17.01.1720

In 1717, Lance Formaggioso became the first epidemiologist to work out
the link between mosquitoes and malaria .
Given that Lance's middle name was Maria  - a cheesy girl's name
which made him see red -  and that he was commonly known as  La Maria -
it was an obvious leap from there to the study of  MaLaria
( and the  'little fellas' )
It was a less obvious leap for him to celebrate his discovery of the
malaria - Culicidae  connection with an alfresco, candlelit dinner for thousands 
on a clammy, summer's evening in the Mantuan swamplands.
He died just two short years later when he remained estranged from his wife 
(Rosa Mosqueta) and his daughter ( Susan.)


b   sumtyme in the futurpassd

d   ! LOL

n ?1717/1718?  Nostlikeymen acheved infamie inn  The Candelabra Scandal ( a.k.a  The Scandelabra ), inn inncidents innvolving Susan Giro'(amongste otheres) at NewYearesLoste&FoundlingeBash 
@ The PietaFesta, Venice Northewater; here thepN dribbel on about 
(his) visione o'TheNooSiteeinnTheWeste     GrandeSerenitee 
In ?2016/2017?, in TheDiscombobulationOfKelostemyInn, He achieve
further infamy, in incidents involving Susan Giro' (amongst others),
forewhiche he know much more than he be prepared to foretell.
Now as before (probably), theprophetNostlikeymen can go(e) by other names such(e) as Tynkelmonies

Susan Giro'  ( Susan G )

b   16 ??

d   ????

spectre,spook,supernatural,seraph,sprite,sprightliness,sparklehorse,scenesteeler,stirrer,striving stuff,stunt,spunk,stoutheart,substance(or lack of it)

1717 :  Windowe Childe  /  Anna Giro''s  'systa'
            Strangely (perhaps), she had a growing interest in and knowledge of the 
            mozzie -malaria link.

2017 :  Wind Girl          /     Kolee ?Ynnit's 'sista'

Anna Giro'/Giraud   ( La Mantovana - The Mantuan Girl )

b    ?1700/1701?

d    17 ??

Susan G''s 'halfe-systa' 

Prima-donna-mezzo-soprano noted for her close collaboration(s) with Antonio Vivaldi,
in whose household both Anna and Susan resided.
The nature of this triangular relationship has been the source of keen speculation.

Antonio (Tony) Vivaldi

b    04.03.1678

d    28.07.1741

Venetian Baroque composer known as   Il Prete Rosso   ( in more ways than one )

Key numbers :   4   8   17   &  500   ( in more ways than one )

Close association with  telephones on 'hold', clocks,  hotel lifts, web browsers, potatoes,  
the Giro' girls.


RhineRik Baumeister

b   21.3.1833

d   15.2.1917

German engineer and urbane planner RR Baumeister shot to infamy with his 

Venice-Mantua Trench Farago (The VMTF)  during  The Grape War  in 1917; 
leading him to co-author ( with RoberToto Traliccio ) one of the earliest texts 
on such subject matter :  ! The Ragged-Trousered Planner's Pissed 
As he lay on his deathtrench, Baumeister foresaw/forswore 
a  New City  in The West,  built alonge the lines of  V-trenches and  H-trenches, 
a(n) NC  that wood be  the envie of Manny  
(ref. prob. to Manny Fiesta, Jewish-Italian planner&rival.)
Weirdly( or not), construction on   The-Discombobulation-of-Kelostemy-Inn started that very day, nearing completion ANY-TIME-SOON ;  a 'curiosity' that would have had RRB swearing under his sawbreath in an instant.

Sikment Loyne  (prof.)

b     N/a

d     N/a

!Nefariously anxious.
About himself.
About Kolee ?Ynnit (ms.)
About Susan ?Ynnit       &   Susan Giro.
About the essential collapse of TheWesternWorld.

Susan ?Ynnit

b   01.01.2000

d   01.01. 2017  (circled)

Susan was the daughter of Kolee ?Ynnit (ms)
and Wayne Wax, in a half-assed kinda way;
parents she referred to as  Bitchy & Scratchy

Susan's birth and death, as for Mark Twain, carried certain

celestial significance, if not quite as literal.

She died at a knife-throwing party held to celebrate the
17th anniversary of The Millennium. 

Susan Tinny


Kolee ?Ynnit (Ms.)

B:     38.05.83

D:     at various points of her life, pretty much, especially
         meating Wane, being dumped by her councillor (SikmentLoyne),
         and having to witness the passing of her daughter Susan.

Altered her name a few times ;
most importantly when she went from  Kylie  to  Kolee
by *dead poll*,  on discovering that Kylie Minogue is actually Australian.  

* to change one's name by 'dead  poll' 
 As by deed poll, butt with the involvement of a passed parrot.

Kolee Wax

No information available

Wayne  Wax

b      ?         ?
d         ?   ?

Troubled/troublesome ex-partner of K?Y(ms.)  //  Doesnawannabe dad of  Susan ?Y  ///   N O I K    (various)