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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

                                                                   k 30

                              !   KLINSMAN

        if i won the lottery i'd get jurgen klinsman to  LivingwellMews
                                    which is   my  house   my house    my house
     id shack up with him   have his children
                      and    call them all    Rouse     Rouse       Stanleyrouse      Stanleyrouse 
             id have to keep an eye on him    'cos  jurgen   he's prone    
                           prone to making  impromptu exits      impromptu  exits
       to fleeing the battleground  and heading   for   open   spaces
                                          that  agrophobic                         ag  -  ro   -  pho   -bic
   y' see    fighting  is in his  blood            
              according to  my  stepdad's       step     step                 stepdad
       he should  know                                     he caters for the   britisharmy
                      in   Munching-Gladbach                          Munching   -  Gladbach

                                                                                           i'd have to shell out a lot of money for jurgen
    clear out the back shed  to store his volkswagen beetle
                                                                                                           and i'd lock up my powerHouse  in the back room
                  cos they'd  never  think to look there for  Him
those    nosey     !      nosey                                         people                    !  !                       people

   we'd perform highlights    from    Romeo & Juliet     
                                                           to no-one in particular    in particular
we'd do  45 shows on the trot :                                                                         Me as  Mercutio
           and  jurgen  as                   Romeo     Romeo    . . Oh  !   Romeo
              and  then     we'd change (a)round                   just so i could whisper into his ear :
                                                                      ! Oh    Noble    !    KLINS   -  MAN   !!
mind you         if  ever our performances
             took an  unexpected      dive                         dive                                   !!  nosedive
i'd sell him                                                                              tho' i might not get a lot back
        for a  hasbeenham                       hasbeenham                                                          like   jurgen
                                       but i'd hang onto his car though
'cos they're dead reliable                                                   / ? aren't they                    the  volkswagen   !

                                          alan & alice Kar
                                                                                                                     Jeremies  klarkson/hunt/kyle
     El Stinkymen-O

.  . where the Plane marked  FuckAss  hurtle into the  Hypokri Sea
 -       ! Bale    .    .      Bale      .!.                  BALE           ! !
 -              ?Has he won
 -      .  ..     ! JUMP       . ..   We're hurtling toward  the    Hypokri  Sea  

motsyn - lineke  /  lineke-motsyn
                                                                               lord alex 'o  Fergusson
                          ted croaker
                                erik kantona, patriceEvra
                                                                                                                                        k 30


    wake up.     mmm,      have a taste for something savoury   and foreign.      mmm .     guacamole dip .   ...
 . ..   no, taramasalata   ...   mmm  ..    no,   red pepper hummus  .   ..  mmm  . .  no,    ALL of them  !  Yes
so i crank up my popemobile and drive down to  TheOneStopShop   ( i dont tend to fly these days, too much
of a luxury )    where, luckily,  they stock all three of my dips ...   and they're ! on offer
i grab them quickly  before they go   pay the shopkeeper   and exit.
as i'm driving home,  i glance at my three mouthwatering dips through my rear-view mirror   but! they're not there   . .  on the back seat where i left them !    they're not there !!       and then i see them    receding  
backing away   from me  .  ..   from ME !   like retreating soldiers    trying to squeeze thro' the safety-gate  
and into the boot space.
panicked, i screech to a  halt.    as i do so,  the three  savoury  and  foreign  dips   go a'flyin'! ; 
one or more of the pots break open ;   stuff    spills   out.      bewildered, i spin the popemobile around and hurtle back to the  OneStopShop     for an explanation
in the shop, i describe events to the shopkeeper  who is nodding   in an understanding way
All 3 dips you say ?   . .   !yes     . .   Receding from your view like ...    !yes ..       
Well it's simple  ?innit !   affirm the shopkeeper    You're the victim  of  Triple-Dip-Recession   I'm afraid  !..   
but i thought we were free of   .. T D R  ?!   i  groan.
Not all of us,  popeKoo,!    the shopkeeper replies, with meloncolly       not ! all of us
    and what about the mess in the back of my popemobile ..  moan i  . .   i mean ..
Oh !  come on,  pK,  the shopkeeper retort,  Your'e a Bird of The Cloth,, you're surely better suited than most to sort it

                                                                                                                                       ! Tara - ma - Salata         !
    Zip      grip        slip       she   dip     
                                  she dip      and  then   Toodle-pip!                                       
                                                  my Salata        quip

                 ANON / TRAD

                        aktually      we vote  for  GUACAMOLE

                                                                                                          Francis Offer !Si Si !
                                                                                                                                                    Moley's - In -  Kent

               You hummus it son   !   i  . . (we) 'll play it

BENE the DIP  ( theratSinger )   /
                                                                                                                            demi  sroussos
                                                                                                                                                        demi ! More
                                                                                     Demijohn - TheBaptist



                                                     the T.D.R
       DEPP      !       DEPP      !      (jonny) DEPP

  My deputy and I    on  :  
                                 The Triple Depp Recession 

                                                                                                                                                                    billy two-rivers
       Hands Solo                         
                                                theGangof 4

Monday, 29 April 2013

.   ..           and,  like Harvey Denton,  they are   hoist by  their  own pet toad  . . .

 When the radio announcer,
                                          by luscious self-loathing,
   argued strongly
over the    music,          raised their voice
 over the applause,
                                                                            they were oblivious
                                                 to several things :
                                                                                    (1)      the audience did not clap
(2)    the performance
               in question     had been
                                             4 / 33       by  John Cage

 .  .  ..          .   and,  like Withnail and I,  the PFA    have failed to paint it black

  When boohoo-ballplayers built on pussyboob and pissup  boo publicly  a  boohiss-ballplayer
  I'm dimfuck    left dumstruck     at the depths plumbed  in   pummering

                         PASTOR HENRY FROG                                             


PayPal   judge  :   I meant    NOUGHT !  ..  .. Nul ! Points .. and  that goes for French films !  
                                                                           just as much as  Norway's  Eurovision  entries

                Prayed out.     Put  feet up  
                                         with my bird.        Watch    Amour,    
                                                                             winner   Palme D'or         last year.
                 Feel  very sad 
                                for   old man       and old lady,
                                                                                    both roles   played   beautifully.

                 But  just as  sad
                                        for  that pigeon     who doesn't
                                                                                     make  most  of  walk-on  parts.


Sunday, 28 April 2013

                                 PAPAL JUG O'NOUGHT

  car boot.
       bought        jug  that 


 to    borgia pope.

       broke          !    it      

 (o)   bugger      !  it


                                             K 28

                     papal  jugs  o' naughtiness     
                                                                      old  boot.
                                                                    to       bedevil/bedazzle,
                                                                      of     busted  pope

                                                     benny  hill                                              
                                                                               benny hawkins
                                                                               benny Sixteen    (XVI ) /   BennyTheDip

Saturday, 27 April 2013

                                  papal  !   juggernaut
                                       K27       (STO)

now i should explain   in the first instance  that what they requested  was not a 'papal juggernaut'
as such,  but more a 'papal carrier',  and thats not a carrier as in 'pigeon', but  more a carrier as in 'large(r) car'   
if you get me drift .  ..   and when  i refer to 'papal juggernaut'  i'm usin' that in a  metaforikal  sense  (of course!)  
and not literally .. in that it create the idea of something having an irresistible drive  or irreversible-thrust
or some such
so, to get back to it,   what i definitely heard was  a request for a  'papal'  carrier   butt what i didn't twig 
at the time  actually  was that  because the request was being delivered in a rather peculiar  accent  
(to say the least)  that smacked of  'Brummie'  or  'BlackCountry'  or somesuch  .   that what was really
being requested was a 'people' carrier    of course  .
nor was i likely to twig  that  those Brummie or BlackCountry somesuches  don't actually have any kinda
metaforikal sense at all,  not really,  because everything - and i mean ! everything  - is literal   to them    !
so  to cut a long story short  as such   what we ended up sending out to  those clients was   naturally / literally
a    papal juggernaut    .    ..   .     ?!    hows that for irony

now i'm not going to say WHAT pope ended up being ferried around in that juggernaut  on  His popelike tour
of TheMidlands  and some suche ;  thats  not my job to ruffle any more feathers in the hornet's nest -  i leave
that to them journalists 
but what i can say  truly  is that when  that   papaljuggernaut  rolled in  to  the depot, 
it was literally covered     in bird shit    .

? What Juggernaut    -    A sub-division of  TheEddieStobartDvivision

Y.Teknno-Miles  was talking to  Sikment Loyne  of   !HOLY SKANK



       papal judgement

woke up. laptop broke. pissed off. got pissed. 
borrowed typewriter. even more pissed.
typewriter letters  F & K    broke. even more pissed off. 
and yet more pissed. 
wrote to Francis who's been pissin' me off. 
here is typewritten letter:

  Dear  rancis
   ! or  uc  sa e, just  uc  o    !   !
                              (I'm the next-new Pope, !NOT you
                                       Not the widely-tipped   rancis
                                        but the wingly-tipped   OO   !
    Many than s

   The High  oo

awaiting reply as we speak.

                              jean hackman / the HK


                    new season              new kid                       new broom    

The  New Kid On The Block's   piece
                                                   is well received    by critics
                                                                                                  who perceive
                                                    that  The Kid's  nod     to Wood        to Glass
                               is immaterial 
to its success

      MY  'N'  SELEKTION
                                                                BASIL BRUSH
                                                                        !Hahaha - broom!Broom 

Friday, 26 April 2013


    Sidekik-Sally Spektrovik
    &   theFryFamily          present               proudly                                      
                                                   K 27

                     the Dream of 16   ( revisit )

so i had a dream,      a series of dream,       which seem  all  about  NUMBERS -
                       that is         the numbers     16       17     .    .  ....
and in this series of dream         a  dilemma,  serrated-edged                 mean   :
                                                                        which  proceed  as follows  :
                                      if  Larryhagman  dreamed  of Jeannie
             and   D-Ream   was  dreamin'  of            reamin' the wrong Coxy
did     (sir)Edwardelgar
                          dream of Gerontius      ?         well,        maybe
tho'    while     in  Younger days
       His policy was     to      gerron2it
        in daysofOldness
                    twas    more   gerroff&milkit      and    charlie's  Unanswered-Question :
                                                          Will the KnightHood  come  before the Bus Pass
                                                                     and     ? in     what      order

so                  to make sense of this mess
      i had a dream,   a series of dream:     That  Haiku's  last  beat   -  number  17   
                                    smell  Death ;
  from here-on-in                     less obscene   would it be           to dream of  16

        Lord Freddy of Garrity, Laker & Flintstone


      KikiK  bite        appalling    our  7-year-old Boy      state    theKammerleg

 I aint bin so apawled      since i seen  (the)kamerleg  on t.v                says   Boy

                                                               tele kymonnis /  
                                                                                      Kojak (Lt.)
                                                                                                                                                  KLOSET  ENNYMI

   we send our sincerest condolences  to    JLS
            the  Konjoined-Quads  Boyband
                 after  their   messy                                          split

                                           Milo/Moli Tenensky /  theKammerleg

.. in witch  we show little surprise at the lack of collective responsibility and
         proper consistency  displayed by the FA 
                                                              the same body who consistently 
turn a blind-eye  to  the Fergusongod                         and who were responsible
   for  hiring  Ted Croaker
                        Pastor Henry Frog                                IN MY SKELETON

                                      the story (so far) of        ( !Lol )  KikiK    (loL !),   floored genius

it has come to our attention that a certain Dago footballer (as above)  more sooted to Dayglow parties
than football parks, has added to his list of crimes&misdemeanors by bitin' a Chelski-star  . . .
sooting an already sullied, footy reputation . .
it has also come to our notice that some people are crying in their beards over KikiK's 'heavy' punishment,
contrasting this to the case of another chelskiSuperstar, a certain  Mr johnTerry . ...
well, !let us say this  in no certain terms :

(1)  the curtain's up, the curtain's drawn  on KikiK ; the latest skulldingo  is surely a  bridge2far  !?

(2)  mrjohnTerry had no choice BUT to be a racist!!   The evidence is clear, and we have Kolin Fry to thank for   
     this.. As you'll know, Kolin is a lifelong Chelski fan  -  ! he has spent a lot of energy contacting The Dead, 
     to see if they might be prepared 2come2StamfordBridge (not ! waynebridge ) and give this place a bit of  
     atmosphere  ( LOL)  -  and thought he could  help out in the JT  'affair '   . . ..
     Well, to this effect, K contacted an old, spiritualist mate, a middlin' medium from Estonia, 
     Sidekik Sally Spektrovik,   who exactly 10 years ago to this day (almost!), contacted  the 
     ghost-of-footballer/manager  Barry Fry ( related/not related to KF  ..and not officially deceased, 
     but declared  'dead'  when taking  the Director of Football job at Peterborough United )
     Anyhoo   to cut a long story shorts, the Fry-ghost was able to provide Spektrovik with  premonitory
     interrogative,  in Estonian   as it happen        and electronically kommunicated :
                       Tere ,  kas  sa  kuuled  mind   ?              ( estonian)
                  Terry,  have you lost your fukkin mind?       (english )
    indood,  this is to be  the first known newfangled-communique  sent  - april 2003  - via  Skype
    the brainchild of an AustralianBushKangaroo,  which carry some ironik  in that it refer to  . . 
     . .  the future  skype/captainFantazmagorikal  of  Chelski FC   
                                                             ( Chelski FC, a Full history : From chopperHarris 2 Rolfharris  )

   And it  premonites   of course    JT's  racial abuse of Ferdinand Magellan  ten years hence  ( or so )
   which, as stated, was out of john's control,  being written-in-the-stars  'n all  . . .
   and  for which   -  which is important  here -    He received proper and just punishment        (of course!)

 -  k 26   -                                              KOMEN YELTSIN-ABRAMOVICH ;     NINE MOLESTKY