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Saturday, 30 June 2012

                                         feta betta when its regla

             i could eat feta
                                   til the Goats come 'ome           brayed she.
she could.                                                                                                                                                        They didn't.
                                                                                                 Onye Tenmilks
                      jazz bird
                                            jays jawpinjumpin
                                                      in the trees            I jest !   Tis Jez
                                                                                                        digest :     Jazz on 3
                  YEN  (KIT)   MELSON

                                      According to the paramedic  it was a clear case of  sun ra and  not sun rash     
   Season muggle         jazzman juggle
                                                                                     Holby City muteglow
                                                                                                                                                           art  bubble
               In My Skeleton ,  Klyemin Tones
            in coordination with YeOldeSilenteMonkeeTreetment
                            ! SINE ON YO  CRAZYDIAMOND          (PART I)
                I've been workin' on the DiamondJubilee  ?yeah
                and come to thinkin' this latest tendency
                to name the Underground lines  ?yeah
                after rich bankers
                is just a load of crap !!
                But I can only say that
                after ridin' on the BastardBakerloo
                                         WankerWaterloo  And   City  lines
               Yeah I can say that   only say that           this time

                                                  BARRETT / BARTON

                      SINE-ON ! YO KRAZEEDIAMOND (PART II)

  DiamondJubilee temk yesBob ot PolandandUkraine komstik   
sit imsol stinklemoney(Bob)  enm  tikitekky/kik-kik (like)
                                                OILY 'N SKINT
( ! O SLOKEM-TEK ! )

                                                                                 NONO  ANNE  DIAMOND !!  

(Apology! : Yesterday we referred to the rich banker at the forefront of the latest
                    farrago of fetid financial affairs incorrectly as ANNE Diamond
                    the TV personality and not of course BOB Diamond )
if you can't stand the Heat, get onto the System and then, like Gary McKinnon, face extradition and the prospect of a lifetime in the can
         Summer stick in craw
                    as we, awe-struck, watch Heat
                                        blindsuck our hero-more

   Nonsey / Sonney Klimet
   Lonnie Stykem

Friday, 29 June 2012

balotelli (1) : where brains don't muscles do
when mario take shirt off
                 i  am  like  dracula
                                     look   in  mirror

balotelli (2) : where muscles do brains don't        
            when dracula take shirt off
                                               mario  is  burning 
                                                                         down    his  bathroom
                                         IN MY SKELETON  

Thursday, 28 June 2012

           the istory of world football is the isteria of us all

       BRA ZIL            BRA ZIP               BRA
ZIT              BRA ZIZ             BRA ZZZ       BRA ZIL

motsyn-lineke                                         lineke-motsyn

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Motsyn-Lineke: So finally after such a long wait what you got to tell us, Hackers ?
Jean Hackman: (pause) . . Such a lot to say really . .. I've needed all this time to get my
head together actually . . (pause) ... . I was lucky enough to be there, y'know?
at Koo's beheading, I mean .. I was one of a select few, privileged guests
. .. They'd sent out a special invite to "Abject Failures"      I was there ..
well, y'know, after the abject failure of my latest work  KnitOnePurl & Dean
- where only one person has bought the book ..   (breaks off) . ..
Motsyn-Lineke: (curious)   So who was the . . ?  (tails off)
Jean Hackman: (dismissive)  Purl & Dean ! . ... (pause) . . . Y'know I told Koo that you
just can't go around sayin' stuff like that against . .. about .. y'know ..
It's not the 70's after all . . (pause) . . .. (?is it )
Look!, Koo     I said    This aint the 70's ! (after all) , is it ? . .       (long pause) ..
Motsyn-Lineke: (eventually and curious)         ? Is that it
Jean Hackman:  (quickly dismissive)                                      Yes

joey or rooey :  hav u bin creatin mayhemanmischeef ? in the polandAndukrane
joey or rooey :  (somewhat significant pawser)                  yeh
joey or rooey :  Have u not  ??
joey or rooey :  (somewhat significant pawser)                                    yeh


Tuesday, 26 June 2012

     Endgame:  How mistaking a pheasant for a train meant I'd waste a lot of time
                   and how mistaking a train for a pheasant meant I'd no more time to waste

                                          I stand at railway gate.
                       A pheasant croak ;  it sound like the train.
                                                         I wait.
                                       I stand on railway moss.
                      A train croak ;  it sound like the pheasant.
                                                        I cross.
     Monkey St. line

Warren Street
There was this rabbit called  Bunny  right?
who had this really nasty habit of rodgerin other rabbits 'fore eatin 'em.
So all the rabbits left in the world  ?right
( ! and there weren't so many of 'em at this point )
got together to decide on a common course of action.
They agreed to hide down these two fuckin enormous parallel tunnels,?right
and that's what they jolly well did.
Well, one of these tunnels was signed  main  right?
and the other was marked  alternative ;
the rabbits had to choose which one to go down  right?
Well, 95% of them (! %95) chose the  main tunnel
'cept it should of said  MAINS!! - fuckin had rubbed off  ?right
So the lead rabbit was well and truly frazzled,
but because they're all in line, givin it this, givin it that (like rabbits), ?right
they pass 10,000 volts from head to butt - !edbutedbutedbut!  
while fire spread like a dose of fuckin salts, right?
Well, it's  King's Cross  all over again, ?aint it !
(despite an obvious lack of tube trains!)
Which left 1 in 20 rabbits to face Bunny  right?
who decreed
that their  alternative tunnel ?right
was NOT the fuckin alternative ! it used to be

Warren St.  line

Saturday, 23 June 2012

                                        G - farce                      
she wrigglegiggle
        when she gather Google
                                        goggle at her wiggle

I.T. Lens-Monkey;   Lt. Mokinneyes
One genius count for Nothing
         alan turing
100 today
          and 101 next year
                               Kloset Ennymi

Friday, 22 June 2012

           we debate whether the weather in Britain is a political issue
                                    Spring / Summer transition       
leave us speechless.
                                                  Like Democratic system.
            KLOSET ENNYMI
                                DICKY KAMMERLEG (PM)
                                    ! OMILY  SKINT                           22.6.12

                                              im kilkil  !kemelek
                           somnit  Joeybarton

look     i litraly read the newspapers        like   
an i red wot the   Kamerleg was aimin 2do with all them     yer know   like
and i append to be in the polandandUkrane on me hols               like
so i put too & too together        it felt a bit odd       but i did the bizness        like
i meen how woz i to know wot i read   wernt what i red        like
and i no theres some peeple who dont beleive  what they read in the papers      like
but i aint one of them   ? !    if ya know whot i mean         like

                             HOL Y ! SKUNK
! Apology
We'd like to apologise for yesterday's misprint.
The headline should have read:
                           TheKammerleg can only dream of topping the  polls
and NOT!!
                                . . . .      .  .   .         .                     topping the Poles
We might add that allegations that  TheKammerleg  are planning a wanton killing spree
in Poland after getting mixed up with   ' Warsaw Packed '  ( see Tues. May 1)
are entirely erroneous. . ...
As are the vicious rumours that this dastardly act would fit with government policy to restrict
Eastern European migrant labour. . . . 
And the ludicrous suggestion that such nefarious activity falls within Roman Abramovich's 
master plan to extend Chelski's empire within Greater Russia .. . .   well !!! 
                                                                                                                                           !sorry anyhoo !


                             !OMILY SKINT !                  21.6.12  
            im kilkil Polski
                                          kim-somnyk Kemelek !

Thursday, 21 June 2012

as spring turn to summer so the body turn over and creek some more

When you reach a certain age     alas
               the closest you get to a nubile ass
is the reflection of memory in the shower glass

                 and past that age    
    when the member is not the member it was
                             remember this:
If you can remember
  reflecting on any reflected memory
             !you'll be bloody lucky

An  In My Skeleton  production

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

wherever they went  His  and  Hers  went with them
His : a mask of the Prince, stained by crushed love
Hers : a crown of thorns, blood sent,
and splashed in that bloody perfume
whose sexsmell proved more memorable to him
than his capacity to purchase it
                                                         they had little money
but they bore neither each other nor anyone else any ill-will
and their constancy sang its eternal chimes

She beckoned him over to her car.
And asked him about the flashing triangle on her dashboard.
He took a moment to summon up all of the Knowledge of Mechanics known to man.
   !Well, darn!it      he asserted, in an irritated though assured manner
      it's quite simple ! really
    It indicates that you are about - if you haven't done so already - to fall in love 
with a handsome fellow, a stranger, now bending at your door.
Somewhat reassured by this, she flew through the open window as if a bird released from a trap.
And landed in his arms with a force that carried them both to the bushes nearby.
And then (but only then) the car exploded.

                                                                          NO ! / YES!! Tinklem

Saturday, 16 June 2012

rooey :  eh !joey , u /?goin on yer holidays eh ? 
joey:   eh rooey  yeah   thort id try  thePolandandukrane    
           !? av u  bin av yer
rooey:      longer paws                     yeh
joey :  well     wot woz it like !  like    ?
rooey :       longer paws             wher           ?
joey :  thepolandAndukrane  of korse!!      soft lad
rooey:   oh ! go 'ed        longer paws                 i aint never bin!?av  i 

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

Jean Hackman     in contradiction to      most of the things she's ever said                   if she remembered what they were

.. I dunno   I mean why? do people win  The Turner Prize       for producing art way ahead of its time   ?
or perhaps because they sign their name to their work in such a way that their signature looks more like the title   ? ? 
?  who knows,  really? ... .

.  . Of course there are those vicious tongues that dispute that it's my work at all   
suggesting that I'm not the eponymous creator of     of   Jeanius   after all       but rather the target  of someone else's gift      There's another school of thought that says anyone could have done it,  and it just 'happened' they called it
Hackman,  !god knows why           I mean even Joey Barton's name's been touted  . . 

 ...  The thread on which hangs Koo's severed head ?        Well,  yes ,  that  could  represent the knitter in me I suppose
Equally  the shape of the thread could symbolise  ME  !  ME   coming out of Koo like some        Oh I dunno   
I just can't         It's really so painful,  just too painful .  ..  .    

Jean Hackman    in conversations with    anyone who care to listen                   which really mean   . .  .   . . . 

 . . .I suppose you could call it my   Koo period      When everything I drew or painted had something to do with Koo      Largely because I was so traumatised by what happened to Koo on that dreadful night
And by what I witnessed . . .

...  It was really my progression from   Outsider Art  to   Alzheimer  Art   
You know,  you forget everyone who ever told you to forget all about being an artist . ..

. .  I still like to think of myself as a "crafty" person, but knitting is . . has ..  there's just too much pain wrapped up with it      My paintings, my drawings on the other hand,  now that's what I consider my  real  art
I mean everyone has a right to make connection  ?don't they   and I guess that's where I  .   I  ..   well, y'know.. 

BARTON : so Roo  is it true ?  youve replaced koo
ROONEY :      long paws          yeh
BARTON : does that meen then like that youl be losin your 'ead in the Polandandukrane
ROONEY :     longer paws                                   yeh

Monday, 11 June 2012

       Often the things we least like to do          The Doc,  speaking to Koo  prior to Koo's beheading
             can be the most rewarding,
JOEY BARTON / WAYNE ROONEY : speaking simultaneously          !Dew ear about that weding farago ?
             BARTON / ROONEY : speaking simul.                          yeh  .. .  . .  were? you ther 
             BARTON / ROONEY : speaking simul.                           Fukit !!       NO
             Dicky Kammerleg (PM) has hit out at allegations that they were somewhere in the vicinity
                                     of either LadyGaga or that football wedding farrago.  
                Look!It's just not possible            squawked   TheKammerleg  
  How? could it be      We were out looking for our missing eight year-old daughter !
                                    MISTY LONNKEE
                                             OIKY ! LONES
                   TYNOT SKIL MESEYKYNTS!!
      !!bride punched        lobster thrown
         football stars tossed in can:
   wedding brawl                       40 grand !
Lineke - Motsyn
He explain to She        (eventually)        the nature of obsession

         work   then You    !NO    You
                                                   then work     NO!     You in work     !NO!
                                                                                                               me/You        me in You

Sunday, 10 June 2012

                         HOL Y ! SKUNK

  ! Lady Gaga  concussed by Pole
                     It weren't me ! 
                       says Andrzej Lepper
    I was nowhere near her at the time   !!

                                                                                                                                                                               KOMEN YELTSIN

                               OILY  !   SKONES

        !    Seno/le  GAGA    
                    im   stikstik  konkost   !
           Me?me?     NO!NO!!       tels  Lepper

   postcard from the edge (butt whispered)   

            our love rush as sweet
                                      flo ,       even iced Niagara .
                                                                                       ( pssssssst :  met a Mountie !  )
                                                                                                                                     KLYEMIN TONES
as a wee one                                   koos world was    weltersmelter of objective desire
as a wee one             Koo surmised        my world was a weltersmelter of objective desire
Retrospectively                            we had to agree                                                               .

Friday, 8 June 2012

                           HOL Y ! SKUNK

Dicky Kammerleg (PM) tops political line-up at  Leveson

      Look, I didn't mean to kill them all
                                                             klaims TheKammerleg
      It just ..  kind of happened, dear...
                                           ( !! Sorry )
                                OILY ! KONKS

                 Enk  Lemeson
                  kils   Kemelek !
                                           Ek & Tek Millystik
      In Tunes :  Suzy get the fluzy on Radio 3

  Klein set precedent :
                         coughs up Stravinsky
             for listeners                  expectorant

TheRightsofSpring Collaboration :    Menotys Klein      Klyemin Tones      Snot 'Limey' Nek
JOEY BARTON :     says ear  wayney ! that the uro jakpot winner will pockit 126milion squid
JOEY BARTON :     so ? does that meen  your goin to be down there pants then 

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

when all else fails and theres noone left to talk to    
                                                       why not interview yourself?
jean hackman gives it a go . . . .

-  jean your quite a celebrity round here ?arent you  
   with all your  KNIT ONE  books and such
-  yes i am  thank you     and my latest book is called  
                                KNIT ONE PURLYGATES
-  showing readers how to make a bill gates hand-knit ?
-  haha   lol   no    its full title is
   why closeknitting wont make a jot of difference to someone whos gone too far!
-  in it you tell the story of koos execution  we believe
-  yes i do  thank you     
   in view of how traumatised we all were by koos death
   and as a mark of respect to koo    
   and to give time for the dust to settle  i delayed release of course
   its taken me this long to compose myself   
   to get a handle on my thoughts so to speak
   to take on the full horror of all thats happened ..
-  ok    so when was koo beheaded again ?
-  o     last night
World reaction to Koo's beheading has been swift.

Anne Diamond said:   
Well Koo's been no dimond geyser for me, that's for sure!

Pastor Henry Frog said :  
(when he heard that Wayne Rooney had been given £120,000,000 to move to France from where he would manage Liverpool.)
When he heard that Koo had been beheaded he said:
                                                                                                ? KOO   ?               O         !                  OK  
                                              HOL Y ! SKUNK                        Jubilee Day
                            HACKMAN LOSES THREAD                ! LATERALLY 
                           AS KOO LOSES HEAD
                                                                                   BUT   LITERALLY   !  
 Anne Diamond
                             OL Y ! SKONK                nektyme

    ?Tet-o-tet   lostot  Koo ?
  O O O O O Y E   S  !!                    ?  Nitynit so loskyt  Jean?
                                                           O                   !                    YES 


Tuesday, 5 June 2012

outside a club in Liverpool, a footballer gets his brains kicked in
              thick scouse accent describe the scrappin' :
                                                                         joey barton
                                                                                            ends up smartin'
                                                                                                        wayne rooney
                                ( joey nikt-nikt barton )
Of course, I'm not an anti-royalist as such.
Any more than you could call me a bricklayer.
However, give me the tools and I'll have a crack
at knocking up a wall, in front of which 
will be stood  all those of royal persuasion.
Where their worth will be judged in a trial  
as secure as the wall recently erected.
when Koo's time is through
                                     it come as shock to no-one
                    least of all to Koo

Monday, 4 June 2012

i know         yik mentelson
                                                                                                        BRAHMS' LIST
Jubilee Day.           Into   GoofyGifts   enter Johannes Brahms.                           With  list
                                                  of bits and bobs to buy for Royalists.      First Johannes licks his lips
                                               and then his eyes drift  limply  to a plastic mask of the prince   Philip.  
He screams and flits to liquor store where kitsch-soaked  kiss.      Exit Brahms    and list.

Saturday, 2 June 2012

          well   woteva rock ya boat !
                         il est francais           il est magnifique  ?non       
                                                                                                           il est      DIEU        !
           MONTY LE SINKE
    He create  . .  pink sweets stuffed with snow  
                                                                                      Claude Debussy on Edvard Grieg 

                           a rapper reply to Debussy grief on Grieg
                               debussys  depussy       
                                                      down da hood
                             cos if any dood had de gaul   
                                                                                 to debunk  da fjord bro  
                                                                          then ya know       
                                                                                        depussy debussy wood
         ISE T / LEMON YNK                                                                                                                        
             ITMY SNOKLEEN                                                                                   N.Y. INK OMELETS
   My personal battle against  The Big C                                                      ( C omedy )
                  !               niknik      niknik        niknik                              niknik
niknik     niknik                     niknik                              niknik    
                                                                                                                              prik   !
                                       jim  NikNik davidson
                                                                                             Tonik arrangement: Semen Loynkit
                                                       Elton Minkeys
                                                      !   U Cheery fuk
          'appy diamond   3      2                                                                                    1
                                                                                   x  TedRodgers
     ?!  wot the fuk   !?
                                ted dansing
                                       HOL Y ! SKUNK                2/6/12
           ! YES IN MY LEEKS!!      (u do)

       ? Dancing with poisonous leeks in church ?!
         Frog(God) say     YES!
                     OL Y ! SKONK                    Skytyme   

               !NOT IN MY LEEKS !!      (u dont)
              ?  Enk eklestes  sisssleekssss toksikikskooolkoool  !?            
                                           Tels   NO !     Skylemen (Frog)