?! WHAT DO WE WANT

        VISUAL ARTIST         FEMALE       FROM THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE






!? WHY DO WE WANT
   
      SO  SHE  CAN  BE   A    HOPPY,  
      A  COMPADRE  IN  THE   SILENT MONKEY   FARRANGO, 
      AN ASSOCIATE  MEMBER  OF  THE   FOUR SUSANS   CONCEPT, 
      TOURING  THE  UK  IN  MARCH, 2018, 
      AND  THE  WORLD  (well ! some of it )  IN  LATE  2018
       






?!  WHEN DO WE WANT 

                 
        NOW                       ( !please)


                                       
            

                             Contact:

                      Simon Kentley
                     
                                  c/o   its_a_dead_doc@hushmail.me





















- no ? Doc

- no !Kolee

- but what if something goes wrong ?   ! and there's no Doc   to

- something has gone wrong   Kolee    very ! wrong

- ?what you chattin'  on   Prof              

- it's the Doc    Kolee        ! done for 

- what you mean     ?      like       O  !   NO   !  IT CANT BE      !shirley  not

- i'm afraid so       
  born under a comet      
  just like Cheggers
  died under the same comet
  just like Cheggers
  only minutes between them   too
  in age      apparently

- comet still going  !  ? then     

- as of today   !yes

- well ! thats the last time I go and spend all my hard-earned cash
  buying up the store
  !bargains-of-all-bargains  indood
  likwidation   my ! ass

- of course  it's not just Doc and Cheggers  who were comet-afflicted
  Mark Twain was too ?y'know    the writer of  Huck Finn    that is
  very different time and place  mind ! you

- the geeza wot writ that story ?! 'bout the killer shark 
  well there's a guy whats spend too much time in  comet  ! suresure
  he so had it comin' 2  'im  !!  if u ask me

- we've all got it coming to us   Ms ?Ynnit                         !
  and today of all daze                                                   .








-  ?!  can anyone be more sorely missed  than  Chegz

-   sorely not

-   and can anyone ? be mssin' Chegz  more than us 
    more than  moi  !    sindood

-  sorely  so

-

-  i dont think anyone is missin Chegz more than the peeps
   in the Vatikan    imho   !  even us to boot     tbph

-  ?! the Vatikan

-  !yup    you never watched   Cheggers Plays Pope   then
   obviosly  when you was?  growin' up

-











-  ?  !  d'u  have a fave mo  u'd like 2 share   
   from  The DOOD   i meen

-  d'u  meen  Chegz   or  ?  theDoc   !actualy

-  well either reely     tbph

-  well  in that case   then  !yuss  i do  
   imho  'twas  that  quiz show they don  in the abso buff naked ?  
   !  rememba
   co-compered with that bigbrownfuzybear  from  Rainbow
   
-

-  o(H!)   The Naked Bungle   !  ?remember

-

-  o(!H)     we didna  know weather to laff or cry   we ! didna 

-  butt wen  we did finally  know 
   we ended up laffin' and/or  cryin' so much
   that  we diddna no wether  we were laffin/cryin'   
   at   or   with(e)

-  m!m(H)m  
   at  or  with(e)  Chegz   ?
   at  or  with(e)  theDoc  !  sindood

-

  WHEN  4



                         when called   too  tangent(i)al 

        he  blast  out   the sun ray lamp
  

                                            !   hellymental     






                              when  called    t(w)(o)o   tangenital

      their  re-shaped underpants

                 prove   essential







    when  his work  lamb(l)asted

                      he   round up the sheep   and  UV   them


                                                                                                   drastic       !






                                                        when  UV Ray    join  UV(F)

                                                                                                  glimmer of hope

                                                          drowned  in  prottie  Faith






taken from

     when  the  River end   In   Paisley
                                                    Catholic Scots
                                      be  hung    out   to  dry

                                                       
                                                                 THE DOC











                                         

?Y :  !O(h) you aint 'eard the news have you Prof ? shirley                otherwise you wooden still have a face like a slapped 'orse

L :

?Y :  its been on FoxRoundTheKlox   plus  HouseyHousey  the noo 
    internet station coming from the Palace  you must have caught        it ?! sikment

L :    Well unless you tell me, Ms ?Ynnit, that the human race has          been given a stay of execution in being put out of its              interminable misery  after Ye-Olde-Farte and Kimmy Long-One          owned up to their secret love affair  
    or that Pat Riarchy is a dead duck now that Riarchy 
    has renounced Catholicism  and all children called Pat; 
    unless you can tell me that,  Ms ?Ynnit, then   !   well  


?Y :


L :  So what's the news ?   ! please advise pray

?Y :  well Gods been listening to my suplements afty all   I can't        believe it  cant believe you dunt know it  neither    
    it's  Ted    been given a night-hood-MBE    
    TED  !  for cristsake  i tell ya

L :   !?Bundy      ?      !   Rogers       

?Y :   Nah Sheerdan   stoopid!   Ted Sheerdan   !  got an MBE  ?didnt      it?    WAH!OO     u really !? aint 'erd  ?

L :    No. The Nursery Nonce wasn't delivered today due to inclement      weather


?Y :


L :   Look!, I'm really pleased    for you  of course   but before 
    you get too carried away, Kolee, I should warn you that your
    much admired 'MBE' is more malignant than you might give it          credit for;  it may not be all its cracked up to be 
    (and by this I don't mean some six-year-old recipient 
    going against protocol, stroking the Prince's cheek, 
    then inserting the insignia up somewhere insurmountable)

?Y :  i dont believ you Sik  !!  first of all  Prince was never 
    nighted  neitha dead nor alive   imho 
    and third he werent no royal thats for shirley   
    butt beside that i find your  attitude re royalty
    both specialy and in general  well   a tad disrespectful  tbph

L :    mmH!Mmm  of course  ?Y,  you do know what the akro MBE 
    actually stand for, I presume, and it's got abso nothing to do      with Ted Sheerdan being a 'Member'.
    But it is part & parcel of another story, a much bigger story, 
    a  personal  s

?Y :  well just shuthefukup!  and gerron'wi'it  then  
    I aint a clue as2wot yer bangin' on abutt   tbah
    so juss give us yer story  !will'ya  ?yeah       
    (s)O(!h) do tell  -  prey


 


       where  Sikment Loyne (Prof. )  tell  Kolee ?Ynnit ( Ms.)
                    the real meaning of  the MBE  
                                as well as  its   and his own  relationship  to Ted Sheerdon
                                                        
                                                                                                             ( and  the  Doc  look  on  
                                                                                                           in case anything go wrong )

  some time                                                   some plaice   
later  or  sooner      who knows  ?! really
                                                                           t b p h



EL STINKYMENO :   we have to say  Kolee   about Sikment  that he       erm  
                                    well   ?! hasn't he aged

        ?YNNIT (ms.) :   ?From when to when exactly

                       EL S :   well from the last time we saw him of course    
                                    he's not looking so well   itbk

                          ?Y :    Death does that to you   suresure   and he's starting to whiff a bit too 
                                     but that cant be helped   you'll get used     just that no-one could bare                                             dispose of him   let alone touch him       death does that to you  
                                     dont? you know     !         sorry 'bout the smell   btw 

                      EL S :     o(!h)    we     we  hadn't    well   its

                         ?Y :     The sarnies  you see      think the fish ! may have gone         sorry  


    

                                                                                    abbrev. extract
                                                                                           taken from an original short story:
                                                                WHEN SOLE FUCK OFF 
                                                                   BODY LEFT    HANG OUT TO DRY
                                                                     COME HELL OR HIGH WATER             !
                                                                                            Monty Le Sinke (pub)
                                                                                   Slinkynet  Emo (ed.)



                                                                                    
                                                                                                   

We find Jean Hackman in consultation with Kolee ?Ynnit(ms)
The tone is a serious one.
Hackman is dutifully supported by Lt. Monkiesyne, in an official capacity, and by The Doc, in case anything goes wrong.
H bends down on creaky knee to a video player and inserts a cassette 


H :        gesturing to cassette box    Professor Loyne bequeathed this to you
Lt. M :  !He didn't just give you erudition, K
Doc :     !No, gave U a VHS too
H :        (!H)mmm   yes   thanks  er    Doc      Let's just watch it, shall ? we   
              the video plays         Powerful memories  ?!eh,  Ms?Y
?Y :       Bit shaky isn't? it
H :         It was taken on a hand-held. It's what you'd expect really.
              Touching though, don't ?you think
              Still it's legacy,  Kolee,  at the end of the day.  !Legacy
?Y :       I thought it was Vivaldi  actually  tho'  t b p h   it's very difficult to hear the music
              properly above all that din
H:         Ah, picket lines then were not what they are now.  Dangerous times, y'see, Kol,
             dangerous times.  Socio-p;olitico-historico: Form & content; content & context; context &                   That's our heritage then
?Y :      Hairy tashes certainly in abundance  suresure
H :       Well  solidarity,   brotherhood
?Y :      And sisterhood too it would seem
H :        Ah! the lot of the miner, ms ?Ynnit,  ne'er a happy one
?Y :      And !bugger weren't there a lot of them   miners   
H : 
?Y :      Though those little ones were hefty back then indeed ! but still good to see that all that
             drink & drugs form the olden daze hadn't stunted growth.   Or anger.
H : 
?Y :     And ! what do you make of that fishwoman?,  so much in demand,      so loved    apparently
H :
     

Here, as we hear  Maggie!!Maggie!!Maggie!!TROUT!TROUT!TROUT!   screamed out, seemingly, ad-infinitum,  
Kolee ?Ynnit(ms) take her leave    and leaves     
with her collie dog, Keef-Or-Sutherland,  whom she addresses:
              Come on  Keef / Sutherland  !  Tis be tyme for us to go watch   24  (Season 23),
            you bad dog,  you !  !  pissin'  all over  Jean Hackman's boots




Toni Skylemen look on,  serioso




               

 LOYNE :  How's the collie's  collywobbles, ?! Kolee


?YNNIT :   d'ya mean hows ? me deaddog doin' since it passed into dead         ?
               OR  ?? !!   HAV U FORGOT  ?      agin 
               or ?!how am I doin'  havin' to face me dogz dead all on me loansome
               with no reel or ooman support    well just no reel  suport 
              'cuz  u aint  ooman really are?  U   Sik   !  you pompuss facefuk  
               i meen yer dont have the ooman feelins that oomans have  do ? yer   not ! reely  !


 LOYNE :   Well,   I'm sorry   if


?YNNIT :   well yor not are yer   so shutthefukup!kunt   sorry   i meen    not reely  
               not sorry enuff  anywize   leavin me all alone to face the hole cahoots 
               and all them unresolved implikashuns
               thats wots amaze me with all yer so-called  professed  astonishings
               that yer cudden even give the time o day at such a crisal skuldugin



 LOYNE :  Well you weren't strictly alone.  I mean,   ?!what about your parrot       O(!h)     I


?YNNIT :  yeh well  JUSS PISS OFF !SKWAKMONGER   ! O no  u  said it now cuz 
              ya dunt   even  rememba that   do?yer   that  you  YOU  were responsiv at that 
              sad-olde-byrds  demise    witch go 2 back up all i say  in a heartstop  
              tbpb   its a case in proof   your not all their  Loyne   never was  & never hasbeen     
              and when Kolee and her colly  mite of need a pal    wanted u allpallydoolly 
              u were awol  !? innit     &   on the pissrol  sindood


 LOYNE : Well  I


?YNNIT :  and  heres anotha fing   you   u   stickUpthearse twatprof     b / y / a / m     
              that dog shat over me in ways u cudden get close to       cud only  dream off      
              and  thats  not even 'alf of it     tbpb



 LOYNE : 

?Y :  How was the gig on the boat the other night  !? Sikment

  L :  Well I could say it was a bit of a washout 
        and they won't touch us again with a barge       mm!hm      butt that would be 
        disingenuous to the canal folk


?Y :


  L :  The jury's out in terms of how many of the audience were in it for the long haul  tbph  
        and how many actually had got the slightest clue as to  w t f  was going on;
        we decided to take a straw pole in the end



?Y :  




  L :  Tbph  a barge pole made out of straw isn't the most efficacious thing in the world 
        so they were hardly going to miss it ?! were they





?Y :


  
  

  L :  Butt it's one in the eye at least for East European migrant farm labour figures







?Y :