f.a.o. bradley woggins
deer mr woggins
first of all. well dun! for your epik biking victory in france
I personaly aint bin so exited since that black hunky dood
won !BritainsGotJesus thanks to ANDY LOYD WEBER
votin 'im thro - and spareing us all a big legal bill in the prosess !!
i must say i was a bit ?surprised ! by the nation of your sucsess .. .
your up for the nobell Prize ?!yeah yet there you were ridin thro all them
kobelld streets at some godforsuck hour ringin yer bell like a good'un ! ..
! and wakin all them ardworking frenchies up ..
even that John claud-salo geezer from arras i'll b bound oo run off without
payin me no mayntenance and wiv all me charlesAznavoys 78's too !!
brad - shame on YOU! ( !LOL! )
... 2 b c . .
KOLEE ?YNNIT (MS)
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Friday, 20 July 2012
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Orbison Morbidson
Dying frOm The Big O ,
kOO Opts fOr bed, tO dream
Of tragic beauty.
kOO, darkness will be yOurs.
ThOugh yOu'll nOd tO the crOwd,
mOvement will be pOOr.
! O , yOur mOuth, puppet-sweet,
will bubble blOw sOunds ! ! wOw
sOunds Of gOd and beast.
Can ? yOu live with that, kOO
I demand. kOO expand :
I can, dOc !? Can yOu
THE DOC
Dying frOm The Big O ,
kOO Opts fOr bed, tO dream
Of tragic beauty.
kOO, darkness will be yOurs.
ThOugh yOu'll nOd tO the crOwd,
mOvement will be pOOr.
! O , yOur mOuth, puppet-sweet,
will bubble blOw sOunds ! ! wOw
sOunds Of gOd and beast.
Can ? yOu live with that, kOO
I demand. kOO expand :
I can, dOc !? Can yOu
THE DOC
Sunday, 15 July 2012
JK
Weve had luck at the work sending to you, and it would appear there was a bit unseemly pasages,
nay even the unmanly moments
Ah well, 'appen shit !!
with trust it can only get butter in things. take a brow now and see if you think it
Marj simpson / jean hackman
GooglytrainsSquad
Juergen amorphous
Thank you! Quotation
I! Far fewer songs. Car, a provider of foreclosure, Sorry!
Poor accountability and Koo.
Exposure SchlieBlichKoo scene! The typical offer for sale, works, and I came to the Prophet.
- The use of knowledge in knitting for the war
He was buried in darkness. ! (Consultation)
No body! Evidence (even, but not YouTube)
There, Maria May, when can I say? Aberman mussmir target
I Weaver, בסקריפטוריום Juergen cm at a distance? I represented the Church of Santa Maria
His mother, president Heber, jump, I always jump.
However, a nurse, less salt, making them first!
OneStopShop : long neck.
Scio, rather than 70. At the same
This issue may occur to my Creator? If I wanted to Friend
When I say that especially dear / beloved.
AC
Giromancing
The card read : !Giromancing is not Dead
The flowers looked healthy, it must be said,
Yellow daffodils not yet faded,
Perfect but for the plastic that had melted
In the extreme heat of a one-bar fire ;
Not very electrocute but all they could perspire to.
They were lovers (it was true)
Though it had taken a while to come through.
In the YOP Scheme of Things it seemed an age,
Like the time from signing on to the time you get paid.
'Twil be called TheGiromanceOfTheCentury ;
She was YTS but he was definitely CP (at least prospectively.)
It's hard to remember who picked up whom,
Who picked up what in which or what room,
For in the heat of it all things become blurred;
As blankets are ruffled emotions are stirred into action speak louder than words.
Eyes meet across the wardrobe, hands across the ceiling
Touch lightly, fingertipping
A hold
And screaming out : Don't drop the bleedin' thing on me toes!
And then a pause
Followed by a chest of drawers.
Beware! those blacksilkstockings falling loose
You creatures of co-habit, daring your noose.
'Til all is made safe
For The Inspector of Disgrace
To make that dreaded, early call
With a doleful knock at the door.
And, for appearance's sake,
One shared life is allowed to break (!but NOT to break up)
Sep a rate but not lured away
Into any false sense of socialsecurity.
With nose frustrated
The Keyhole Man leaves our giromancers elated,
Happy in their bed
To conceive their next giro cheque.
Ye Meltinn Sok
Me in YTS Klone
Weve had luck at the work sending to you, and it would appear there was a bit unseemly pasages,
nay even the unmanly moments
Ah well, 'appen shit !!
with trust it can only get butter in things. take a brow now and see if you think it
Marj simpson / jean hackman
GooglytrainsSquad
Juergen amorphous
Thank you! Quotation
I! Far fewer songs. Car, a provider of foreclosure, Sorry!
Poor accountability and Koo.
Exposure SchlieBlichKoo scene! The typical offer for sale, works, and I came to the Prophet.
- The use of knowledge in knitting for the war
He was buried in darkness. ! (Consultation)
No body! Evidence (even, but not YouTube)
There, Maria May, when can I say? Aberman mussmir target
I Weaver, בסקריפטוריום Juergen cm at a distance? I represented the Church of Santa Maria
His mother, president Heber, jump, I always jump.
However, a nurse, less salt, making them first!
OneStopShop : long neck.
Scio, rather than 70. At the same
This issue may occur to my Creator? If I wanted to Friend
When I say that especially dear / beloved.
AC
Giromancing
The card read : !Giromancing is not Dead
The flowers looked healthy, it must be said,
Yellow daffodils not yet faded,
Perfect but for the plastic that had melted
In the extreme heat of a one-bar fire ;
Not very electrocute but all they could perspire to.
They were lovers (it was true)
Though it had taken a while to come through.
In the YOP Scheme of Things it seemed an age,
Like the time from signing on to the time you get paid.
'Twil be called TheGiromanceOfTheCentury ;
She was YTS but he was definitely CP (at least prospectively.)
It's hard to remember who picked up whom,
Who picked up what in which or what room,
For in the heat of it all things become blurred;
As blankets are ruffled emotions are stirred into action speak louder than words.
Eyes meet across the wardrobe, hands across the ceiling
Touch lightly, fingertipping
A hold
And screaming out : Don't drop the bleedin' thing on me toes!
And then a pause
Followed by a chest of drawers.
Beware! those blacksilkstockings falling loose
You creatures of co-habit, daring your noose.
'Til all is made safe
For The Inspector of Disgrace
To make that dreaded, early call
With a doleful knock at the door.
And, for appearance's sake,
One shared life is allowed to break (!but NOT to break up)
Sep a rate but not lured away
Into any false sense of socialsecurity.
With nose frustrated
The Keyhole Man leaves our giromancers elated,
Happy in their bed
To conceive their next giro cheque.
Ye Meltinn Sok
Me in YTS Klone
Saturday, 14 July 2012
Friday, 13 July 2012
ode to a headless pigeon
Because my eyes weren't 2 sharp
I went 2 see
a laser eye surgeon.
Because my eyes weren't 2 sharp
I went 2 see
a lazy eye surgeon.
Who came 2 work hardly ever
and
performed tasks with a lazy eye.
My eyes are still shot !
but
my nipples see with the clarity of a thousand sons.
THE DOC / Eyeskinn Molt
Because my eyes weren't 2 sharp
I went 2 see
a laser eye surgeon.
Because my eyes weren't 2 sharp
I went 2 see
a lazy eye surgeon.
Who came 2 work hardly ever
and
performed tasks with a lazy eye.
My eyes are still shot !
but
my nipples see with the clarity of a thousand sons.
THE DOC / Eyeskinn Molt
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
Jürgen love
If this is not my fault, I tell you! Aberman mussmir confidence
Madam, beheadings hop socialist nanny, you can always call me to skip
However, the nanny, skip hop, they are to achieve!
OneStopShop: Madame beheadings
I know that this is not the 70. To the world
Words for me as an artist is enough? If enough like me
It is, in fact, I really want to say is /.
And Sinsereli, your Yours (drilling)
H (J)
Continue the M '' of '"Knockin' Spears: PS!
Mussmir
ユルゲン·愛
ありがとうございました!あなたの答えをありがとうございます
I!たくさん劣ら詩。私は車については非常に申し訳ありませんが、それが起こる!
私の障害は、Kuの責任を負いませんではありません。
パフォーマー死んSchlieBlichKoo!としばらくの間、広告に取り組んでおり、一日の終わりに行くされます。
- 私はこのキャンペーンのメンバーで、編み物の実装でした知っている -
海に埋葬。 ... (参照するには)
ないボディがありませんでした!示唆する証拠(!さえ、YouTubeではありません)
これは私のせいではない場合、私はあなたを教えて!自信Aberman mussmir
ユルゲン·欠席を見て、私はウィーバーじゃない! 1は、ノートルダムの編み物を表すものではありません!
マダムは、乳母ホップbeheadingsの社会主義は、常に私がスキップするように呼び出すことができます
しかし、乳母、スキップホップ、彼らは達成することです!
OneStopShop:マダムbeheadings
私はこれが70ではないことを知っています。世界へ
アーティストとしての私のための言葉は十分ですか?私のような十分な場合
それは、実際には、私が言いたい本当に/です。
あなたのSinsereli、とユアーズ(穴あけ)
H(J)
PS: "ノッキン·スピアーズ 'の' M 'を続ける!
hop this helptry her ! for sighs
ABERMAN
googletrans
! AAAH OK
ALLES KAR !
JK
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Herr Klinsman
Her is good translation in england for your german letter we sent to you.
Him is good for you understand and hoping your okay now!
Her is good translation in england for your german letter we sent to you.
Him is good for you understand and hoping your okay now!
Batter Barton
ThegoogletranslatorSquad
લવ જુર્ગેનઆભાર! તમે તમારા જવાબ માટે તમારો આભાર.
હું છું! જો તમે કવિતા પ્રેમ કરવા તૈયાર નથી.
જ્યારે વસ્તુઓ તમારી કાર છે, હું ખરેખર દિલગીર શકશો! તે થાય!
લાઇન માટે જવાબદાર છે તે સંપૂર્ણપણે મારી ભૂલ નથી છે.
મૃત્યુ ગાય! બધા પછી, વાક્ય ભૂતકાળમાં રાખવામાં આવી હતી
- હું knitting પર ચાલે છે, તમને ખબર છે કે -
અને સમુદ્ર માં દફનાવવામાં આવ્યો હતો. ...
ત્યાં છે ન કોઈ શરીર! (યુ ટ્યુબ પર વિના દેખાતું નથી), કોઈ પુરાવા અસ્તિત્વમાં છે.
કોઈ કરવો છે, પરંતુ મને વિશ્વાસ છે, તો તમે મારા માટે શું કહેવું?
હું Nutter, જુર્ગન વેબ knitting નથી જોવા નથી!
શબ્દો ઓછા તમે મારા શ્રીમતી ફોન કરી શકો છો વિનિમય
જો કે, "વિનિમય વિનિમય મેટ્રન," જે પહોંચી ગયેલ છે! Onestopshop
હું 1970 માતાનો હતી, જેમાંથી કેટલીક વિશ્વના કે ન હોય
હું નથી પૂરતી છે, જેમ કે કલાકારો સાથે વાત કરવાની જરૂર શા માટે છે?
મને લાગે છે કે ખરેખર અર્થ એ થાય કે તમે કહી છે.
આપની તમારી,
ટી (j)
પાસ: 'રમતો માલિક સાથે કૃપા કરી!
I know I was a member of the campaign, the execution of knitting.
He was buried in the sea. ... (so let's see.)
There was no body! There is no evidence notes (! Not even on YouTube)
If this is not my fault, I'll tell you! Trust Aberman Mussmir.
Aberman Mussmir
ThegoogletranslatorSquad
લવ જુર્ગેનઆભાર! તમે તમારા જવાબ માટે તમારો આભાર.
હું છું! જો તમે કવિતા પ્રેમ કરવા તૈયાર નથી.
જ્યારે વસ્તુઓ તમારી કાર છે, હું ખરેખર દિલગીર શકશો! તે થાય!
લાઇન માટે જવાબદાર છે તે સંપૂર્ણપણે મારી ભૂલ નથી છે.
મૃત્યુ ગાય! બધા પછી, વાક્ય ભૂતકાળમાં રાખવામાં આવી હતી
- હું knitting પર ચાલે છે, તમને ખબર છે કે -
અને સમુદ્ર માં દફનાવવામાં આવ્યો હતો. ...
ત્યાં છે ન કોઈ શરીર! (યુ ટ્યુબ પર વિના દેખાતું નથી), કોઈ પુરાવા અસ્તિત્વમાં છે.
કોઈ કરવો છે, પરંતુ મને વિશ્વાસ છે, તો તમે મારા માટે શું કહેવું?
હું Nutter, જુર્ગન વેબ knitting નથી જોવા નથી!
શબ્દો ઓછા તમે મારા શ્રીમતી ફોન કરી શકો છો વિનિમય
જો કે, "વિનિમય વિનિમય મેટ્રન," જે પહોંચી ગયેલ છે! Onestopshop
હું 1970 માતાનો હતી, જેમાંથી કેટલીક વિશ્વના કે ન હોય
હું નથી પૂરતી છે, જેમ કે કલાકારો સાથે વાત કરવાની જરૂર શા માટે છે?
મને લાગે છે કે ખરેખર અર્થ એ થાય કે તમે કહી છે.
આપની તમારી,
ટી (j)
પાસ: 'રમતો માલિક સાથે કૃપા કરી!
I know I was a member of the campaign, the execution of knitting.
He was buried in the sea. ... (so let's see.)
There was no body! There is no evidence notes (! Not even on YouTube)
If this is not my fault, I'll tell you! Trust Aberman Mussmir.
Aberman Mussmir
Dear friend
Please ?! would you be so kind as to provide an accurate German translation of the enclosed letter
(in English) which is intended for JurgenKlinsman.
Many thanks
Hackman (Jean)
Dear Jurgen
Thank ! you for your response.
I'm !delighted you loved the poem.
I'm really sorry about your car, but these things happen !!
It's not my fault at all, and Koo is not responsible either.
Koo is dead! after all Koo was beheaded some time ago
- I know, I was knitting at the execution -
and was buried at sea. .. .
There is no body !! There is no evidence (not even on YouTube!)
That's not my fault; but you just have to trust me !
You see, I'm a knitter, Jurgen, NOT a nutter !!
Madame Chop-Chop they might call me,
but this 'Madame Chop-Chop' has reached her ! OneStopShop
I know this isn't the '70's, but what is the world coming to
when the word of an artist such as myself does not suffice ?
I mean to say, really.
Best regards
H (J)
PS: Keep knockin' 'em in for The Spurs !
Dear Hackman Jean
Please find provide a translation in your letter as accurate as you may have.
Most regards
S Blatter / J Barton
Head of Googletranslatorsquad
The Olympic Teepee
TowerOfLondon
Jurgen liebe
Vielen Dank ! Danke für Antwort ihre
Ich! Es war ein gutes Gedicht ist wie eine Menge. Ich bedaure sehr, über das Auto, es passiert!
Nicht meine Schuld ist nicht haftbar zu Koo.
Darsteller ist tot-SchlieBlichKoo! Die Arbeit wird auf ad vor einiger Zeit und schließlich gehen
- Ich weiß, ich war damals Mitglied der Kampagne, der Hinrichtung Stricken -
Er wurde im Meer bestattet. ...(auf see)
Es gab keinen Körper! Es gibt keine Beweise-hinweise (!Auch auf nicht YouTube)
Ist nicht das meine Schuld, ich werde Ihnen sagen!aberman mussmir vertrauen
Schauen Sie, ich bin nicht Weaver, verpasste Jürgen ! ein Strickerin NICHT ein Nutter !!
Matron-Hop ist madame hopp, hopp si kann man immer rufen Sie mich zu überspringen
Allerdings ist die Matrone, der Hopfen überspringen, sind sie zu erreichen!
OneStopShop : Madame Chop-Chop
Ich weiß, das ist nicht The 70's, ?die Welt um zu
Worte für mich als Künstler ist genug? wenn wie mich ausreicht
Es ist in der Tat; will damit sagen / wirklich
Sinsereli von euch, Mit freundlichen (GruBen)
H (J)
PS : ! Halten Sie Knockin "Em In" fur die 'Spurs'!
Please ?! would you be so kind as to provide an accurate German translation of the enclosed letter
(in English) which is intended for JurgenKlinsman.
Many thanks
Hackman (Jean)
Dear Jurgen
Thank ! you for your response.
I'm !delighted you loved the poem.
I'm really sorry about your car, but these things happen !!
It's not my fault at all, and Koo is not responsible either.
Koo is dead! after all Koo was beheaded some time ago
- I know, I was knitting at the execution -
and was buried at sea. .. .
There is no body !! There is no evidence (not even on YouTube!)
That's not my fault; but you just have to trust me !
You see, I'm a knitter, Jurgen, NOT a nutter !!
Madame Chop-Chop they might call me,
but this 'Madame Chop-Chop' has reached her ! OneStopShop
I know this isn't the '70's, but what is the world coming to
when the word of an artist such as myself does not suffice ?
I mean to say, really.
Best regards
H (J)
PS: Keep knockin' 'em in for The Spurs !
Dear Hackman Jean
Please find provide a translation in your letter as accurate as you may have.
Most regards
S Blatter / J Barton
Head of Googletranslatorsquad
The Olympic Teepee
TowerOfLondon
Jurgen liebe
Vielen Dank ! Danke für Antwort ihre
Ich! Es war ein gutes Gedicht ist wie eine Menge. Ich bedaure sehr, über das Auto, es passiert!
Nicht meine Schuld ist nicht haftbar zu Koo.
Darsteller ist tot-SchlieBlichKoo! Die Arbeit wird auf ad vor einiger Zeit und schließlich gehen
- Ich weiß, ich war damals Mitglied der Kampagne, der Hinrichtung Stricken -
Er wurde im Meer bestattet. ...(auf see)
Es gab keinen Körper! Es gibt keine Beweise-hinweise (!Auch auf nicht YouTube)
Ist nicht das meine Schuld, ich werde Ihnen sagen!aberman mussmir vertrauen
Schauen Sie, ich bin nicht Weaver, verpasste Jürgen ! ein Strickerin NICHT ein Nutter !!
Matron-Hop ist madame hopp, hopp si kann man immer rufen Sie mich zu überspringen
Allerdings ist die Matrone, der Hopfen überspringen, sind sie zu erreichen!
OneStopShop : Madame Chop-Chop
Ich weiß, das ist nicht The 70's, ?die Welt um zu
Worte für mich als Künstler ist genug? wenn wie mich ausreicht
Es ist in der Tat; will damit sagen / wirklich
Sinsereli von euch, Mit freundlichen (GruBen)
H (J)
PS : ! Halten Sie Knockin "Em In" fur die 'Spurs'!
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Klinsman III
We'd perform highlights from Romeo and Juliet
just so I could whisper into his ear . . ..
Oh noble Klins man !!
Mind you, if ever our performances
took an unexpected dive ! dive ! nosedive !
I'd sell him
Though I might not get a lot back
for a hasbeenham hasbeenham like Jurgen
But I'd hang onto his car though
'cos they're dead reliable ?aren't they
the Volkswagen
Jean Hackman
Toye Klinsmen
We'd perform highlights from Romeo and Juliet
to no-one in particular in particular
We'd do 45 shows on the trot ;
me as Mercutio
me as Mercutio
and Jurgen as Romeo Romeo !O Romeo
And then we'd change roundjust so I could whisper into his ear . . ..
Oh noble Klins man !!
Mind you, if ever our performances
took an unexpected dive ! dive ! nosedive !
I'd sell him
Though I might not get a lot back
for a hasbeenham hasbeenham like Jurgen
But I'd hang onto his car though
'cos they're dead reliable ?aren't they
the Volkswagen
Jean Hackman
Toye Klinsmen
Friday, 6 July 2012
KLINSMAN (1)
If I won the Lottery I'd get Jurgen Klinsman to LivingwellMews
which is My House My House My House
I'd shack up with him, have his children and call them all
Rouse Rouse StanleyRouse StanleyRouse
I'd have to keep an eye on him 'cos Jurgen he's prone,
prone to making impromptu exits impromptu exits
to fleeing the battleground and heading for open spaces
that agrophobic agrophobic
Ya see fighting is in his blood according to
my stepdad's step step stepdad
He should know He caters for The Army
in MunchingGladbach Munching Gladbach
If I won the Lottery I'd get Jurgen Klinsman to LivingwellMews
which is My House My House My House
I'd shack up with him, have his children and call them all
Rouse Rouse StanleyRouse StanleyRouse
I'd have to keep an eye on him 'cos Jurgen he's prone,
prone to making impromptu exits impromptu exits
to fleeing the battleground and heading for open spaces
that agrophobic agrophobic
Ya see fighting is in his blood according to
my stepdad's step step stepdad
He should know He caters for The Army
in MunchingGladbach Munching Gladbach
Dear Mr Klinsman
Thank you for your interest and glad you liked the book !
I am intending to send a detailed response to you - !and am working on it at the very mo -
but I'm just getting it absolutely right before I mail it.
In the meantime, please enjoy the poem written in your honour !
Best wishes
Jean Hackman
Thank you for your interest and glad you liked the book !
I am intending to send a detailed response to you - !and am working on it at the very mo -
but I'm just getting it absolutely right before I mail it.
In the meantime, please enjoy the poem written in your honour !
Best wishes
Jean Hackman
Dear Ms. Hackman
Thanks for the copy of KnitOnePurl&Dean.
It was most interesting.
I am writing to you now on a rather personal matter.Some days ago, I had parked my newly-valeted Volkswagen outside
the MatchOfTheDay studios in ThePolandandUkraine (sic).
When I went to collect it after a very heated debate over (Wayne) Rooney,
I was left sickened by what I discovered.
The windscreen of my car was smeared in what can only truly be described as
shit . Gary (Lineker) denied any personal involvement, but did say he'd noticed
a .. headless bird .. knocking about . . on the roof . .
Initially he thought it was a headless chicken but (Emile) Heskey was somewhere
else at the time, apparently.
Anyhoo, it transpired the headless bird was a headless pigeon (sic.)
The lads discussed this back in the studio and LawroHansen suggested that I
should contact you as you might be able to shed light on all of this hoo-hah ?
I await your response with some interest.
Yours in anticipation
Jurgen Klinsman
Thanks for the copy of KnitOnePurl&Dean.
It was most interesting.
I am writing to you now on a rather personal matter.Some days ago, I had parked my newly-valeted Volkswagen outside
the MatchOfTheDay studios in ThePolandandUkraine (sic).
When I went to collect it after a very heated debate over (Wayne) Rooney,
I was left sickened by what I discovered.
The windscreen of my car was smeared in what can only truly be described as
shit . Gary (Lineker) denied any personal involvement, but did say he'd noticed
a .. headless bird .. knocking about . . on the roof . .
Initially he thought it was a headless chicken but (Emile) Heskey was somewhere
else at the time, apparently.
Anyhoo, it transpired the headless bird was a headless pigeon (sic.)
The lads discussed this back in the studio and LawroHansen suggested that I
should contact you as you might be able to shed light on all of this hoo-hah ?
I await your response with some interest.
Yours in anticipation
Jurgen Klinsman
PIGEON III
Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask him the question which had been on my mind for some time:
? How
You mean how did she come to fly off her mortal coil and how did all of this happen?
!Yeah
I'm afraid your bird is responsible for this tragedy. She appear to be guilty of fatricide.
Well, he told me that fatricide was when one fat pigeon kills another fat pigeon.
I couldn't believe my ears. My eyes were streamin, my whole body convulsin,
but before I could get carried away he had interjected :
Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask him the question which had been on my mind for some time:
? How
You mean how did she come to fly off her mortal coil and how did all of this happen?
!Yeah
I'm afraid your bird is responsible for this tragedy. She appear to be guilty of fatricide.
Well, he told me that fatricide was when one fat pigeon kills another fat pigeon.
I couldn't believe my ears. My eyes were streamin, my whole body convulsin,
but before I could get carried away he had interjected :
Officially, it will go down as homingcide.
Yeah, death by homing pigeon of course, but why?
Your bird was a known informer. She led them all into a trap.
Well, I had visions of my stool pigeon shoppin all of her friends, information trippin off her tongue
like water off a dove's back. So that's why they called her ! Nark
Not exactly! exclaimed Rufus, Nark was also short for Narkotics.
And so I learned that my bird had been double-dealin.
On the day of the Tragedy, all the neighbourhood pigeons were lined up on the rooftop
waiting for their supply; and all the neighbourhood kids were queueing on the ladder.
My bird narkotised her friends into permanent sleep and then, with gentle irony, did the same to herself.
That night the talk was of pigeons and a tail of mass cooeycide
Well, I anaesthetised myself with alcohol and cried myself to sleep. Yeah, no shame there.
SL / TLS
Yeah, death by homing pigeon of course, but why?
Your bird was a known informer. She led them all into a trap.
Well, I had visions of my stool pigeon shoppin all of her friends, information trippin off her tongue
like water off a dove's back. So that's why they called her ! Nark
Not exactly! exclaimed Rufus, Nark was also short for Narkotics.
And so I learned that my bird had been double-dealin.
On the day of the Tragedy, all the neighbourhood pigeons were lined up on the rooftop
waiting for their supply; and all the neighbourhood kids were queueing on the ladder.
My bird narkotised her friends into permanent sleep and then, with gentle irony, did the same to herself.
That night the talk was of pigeons and a tail of mass cooeycide
Well, I anaesthetised myself with alcohol and cried myself to sleep. Yeah, no shame there.
SL / TLS
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Pigeon II
? Do you recognise her he enquired with an air of menace.
Well, her legs had been tied together - nothing strange there! -
and her visage bore a pained expression. Again, she had a face worse
than death at the best of times, but now Death itself had spoken:
One spacebar too many; one full stop too . soon
. Shit I mused, observing the mess around me and yeah
I do recognise her!that's my bird
I crawled over the other bodies and gently stroked her ringed neck
(old habits die hard). I unfastened the ring and casually slipped it
into my pocket.
Vermin! declared Rufus. !Damn He seemed to know everything about her.
SL / TLS
? Do you recognise her he enquired with an air of menace.
Well, her legs had been tied together - nothing strange there! -
and her visage bore a pained expression. Again, she had a face worse
than death at the best of times, but now Death itself had spoken:
One spacebar too many; one full stop too . soon
. Shit I mused, observing the mess around me and yeah
I do recognise her!that's my bird
I crawled over the other bodies and gently stroked her ringed neck
(old habits die hard). I unfastened the ring and casually slipped it
into my pocket.
Vermin! declared Rufus. !Damn He seemed to know everything about her.
SL / TLS
Monday, 2 July 2012
PIGEON I
Yeah, I crawled home the other night and opened up my door. My eyes were greeted by a sight I hadn't seen before:
A heap of bodies, I'd say a hundred or more, strewn along the vestibule and piled up on my kitchen floor;
stone-cold dead I guessed, I had experience in these matters.
And then a voice spoke to me, clatterin outa the haze like a streetcar in a Pittsburgh dawn.
'!Good day to you fiend'. Well, I wasn't standin for that kinda foolery.
'Who the hell d'you think YOU are?!', I bawled, with an "intensity" that come from usin a double apostrophe.
'I'm Rufus !', he replied.
Quick as a sprat out of a sprat jar, I identified the situation.
I asked 'who the hell are ya?, NOT whaddya smoke for purposes of recreation'.
'I'm Rufus!!', he emphasised. Well, I flew straight back at him. '!You don't have to get on ya high horse with me, pal !'
My brain was workin overtime and he wasn't. I'd already lapped his one brain cell at least one zillion times before collidin
with it on my return journey from Planet Zyz. So far away from his understandin' it's not worth a mention in TheOxfordEnglishDic.
Quick as a sprog out of a test tube I supposed he'd been in the nest with my bird. He had gills written all over his os
(!excuse the zyzian reference) He had gills written all over his os : Danglin bits of bird wattle daubed all over his . .
I fulminated, he fumigated, our paths were destined to rhyme.
SMOKEY LINNET
TOM LEE SKINNY
Yeah, I crawled home the other night and opened up my door. My eyes were greeted by a sight I hadn't seen before:
A heap of bodies, I'd say a hundred or more, strewn along the vestibule and piled up on my kitchen floor;
stone-cold dead I guessed, I had experience in these matters.
And then a voice spoke to me, clatterin outa the haze like a streetcar in a Pittsburgh dawn.
'!Good day to you fiend'. Well, I wasn't standin for that kinda foolery.
'Who the hell d'you think YOU are?!', I bawled, with an "intensity" that come from usin a double apostrophe.
'I'm Rufus !', he replied.
Quick as a sprat out of a sprat jar, I identified the situation.
I asked 'who the hell are ya?, NOT whaddya smoke for purposes of recreation'.
'I'm Rufus!!', he emphasised. Well, I flew straight back at him. '!You don't have to get on ya high horse with me, pal !'
My brain was workin overtime and he wasn't. I'd already lapped his one brain cell at least one zillion times before collidin
with it on my return journey from Planet Zyz. So far away from his understandin' it's not worth a mention in TheOxfordEnglishDic.
Quick as a sprog out of a test tube I supposed he'd been in the nest with my bird. He had gills written all over his os
(!excuse the zyzian reference) He had gills written all over his os : Danglin bits of bird wattle daubed all over his . .
I fulminated, he fumigated, our paths were destined to rhyme.
SMOKEY LINNET
TOM LEE SKINNY
Sunday, 1 July 2012
The BBC, in a vain bid to improve their tennis coverage, have eventually found a news item about Wimbledon
that is faintly interesting, and have finally managed to track down someone prepared to talk about it to someone
else who really has little choice but to talk about it . . ...
Max Robertson meets Smokey Linnet, a spokesperson for the pressure group Pigeon B wot Pigeon B :
SMOKEY: Look, Max, I'm not saying we've got the Wimbledon hawk, whom you all know as Rufus,
MAX : ? Can you at least assure us that no harm has come to Rufus, or is likely to ?
SMOKEY: Put it this way. It aint goin' to be scarin' no pigeons any time soon! .. .. (laughs) . .
No, it's fine, really. !Alive and ticking, so to speak. . (laughs) . No, I jest. Don't worry!, it's not
going back to Wimbledon concealing a bomb !! . . (laughs) .. That was just tabloid hoo-hah really.
MAX : Of course, you won't dispute that you're not being fair to Rufus or his owners. Some would say
downright cruel indeed. . . (emotional) .. 'hawkist' , let's say .. (still emotional) anti-environmental even.
SMOKEY: Oh, come on Max! The hawk was taken from a cage in a hot car . ..
So, let's talk about cruelty, shall we ?
MAX : (shifting) So could we clarify please just what it is you stand for in Pigeon B ?
SMOKEY: Well Pigeon B wot Pigeon B started out as Pigeon A ... of course.
Then we lost Pigeon A. To one of Rufus' bloody mates, no doubt. .. (interrupted)
MAX : (interrupting) .. But we all know PBwPB is merely a front for Pigeons4Pigeons, or P4P.
SMOKEY: Look, we've always been very clear to distance ourselves from the so-called P4P.
We're not into discrimination based on the colour of a bird.
MAX : So the fact that you took .. (stops) .. that the bird in question, Rufus, is of brown skin .. (interrupted)
SMOKEY: (interrupting / sharply) . . NO !! NO I must stop you there ! It's brown feathers actually, not skin
MAX : Okay, the point is it's brown... You didn't . . (stops) .. it's not a white bird that's been taken, is it?!
SMOKEY: So what you're saying, Max, if I've got this right, is we wouldn't have a problem if the Wimbledon
patroller had been a white bird !?
MAX : (hesitant) Well .. er .. yes, I suppose ..
SMOKEY: (quickly) Like a DOVE for example.
MAX : What?
SMOKEY:(precise) Let's imagine for a moment,?shall we,that a dove had been the patrolling bird
at Wimbledon
MAX : (hesitant) ! No . . well .. er .. yes .. I mean hypo . . (interrupted)
SMOKEY: (interrupting / quick) .. That's fine then. If the bird's a dove . . (emphatic) absolutely
no problem at all !
that is faintly interesting, and have finally managed to track down someone prepared to talk about it to someone
else who really has little choice but to talk about it . . ...
Max Robertson meets Smokey Linnet, a spokesperson for the pressure group Pigeon B wot Pigeon B :
SMOKEY: Look, Max, I'm not saying we've got the Wimbledon hawk, whom you all know as Rufus,
or that we had anything to do with its capture of course. However it's just possible that we might
know of its whereabouts now.MAX : ? Can you at least assure us that no harm has come to Rufus, or is likely to ?
SMOKEY: Put it this way. It aint goin' to be scarin' no pigeons any time soon! .. .. (laughs) . .
No, it's fine, really. !Alive and ticking, so to speak. . (laughs) . No, I jest. Don't worry!, it's not
going back to Wimbledon concealing a bomb !! . . (laughs) .. That was just tabloid hoo-hah really.
MAX : Of course, you won't dispute that you're not being fair to Rufus or his owners. Some would say
downright cruel indeed. . . (emotional) .. 'hawkist' , let's say .. (still emotional) anti-environmental even.
SMOKEY: Oh, come on Max! The hawk was taken from a cage in a hot car . ..
So, let's talk about cruelty, shall we ?
MAX : (shifting) So could we clarify please just what it is you stand for in Pigeon B ?
SMOKEY: Well Pigeon B wot Pigeon B started out as Pigeon A ... of course.
Then we lost Pigeon A. To one of Rufus' bloody mates, no doubt. .. (interrupted)
MAX : (interrupting) .. But we all know PBwPB is merely a front for Pigeons4Pigeons, or P4P.
SMOKEY: Look, we've always been very clear to distance ourselves from the so-called P4P.
We're not into discrimination based on the colour of a bird.
MAX : So the fact that you took .. (stops) .. that the bird in question, Rufus, is of brown skin .. (interrupted)
SMOKEY: (interrupting / sharply) . . NO !! NO I must stop you there ! It's brown feathers actually, not skin
MAX : Okay, the point is it's brown... You didn't . . (stops) .. it's not a white bird that's been taken, is it?!
SMOKEY: So what you're saying, Max, if I've got this right, is we wouldn't have a problem if the Wimbledon
patroller had been a white bird !?
MAX : (hesitant) Well .. er .. yes, I suppose ..
SMOKEY: (quickly) Like a DOVE for example.
MAX : What?
SMOKEY:(precise) Let's imagine for a moment,?shall we,that a dove had been the patrolling bird
at Wimbledon
MAX : (hesitant) ! No . . well .. er .. yes .. I mean hypo . . (interrupted)
SMOKEY: (interrupting / quick) .. That's fine then. If the bird's a dove . . (emphatic) absolutely
no problem at all !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)