when Kolee is told the news that soo many heads have turned away from her 
        programme   
         Gardeners Whirled
                 she is forced
                                                      with   trademark  steely  grit
      to re-invent herself     

   

                               Gardeners weld




Dearest Kolee ?Ynnit (ms.)

We live in the tidy village of  Leekinmoyst  witch you'll no doubt have heard     of.
As you'll know then, it is predominantly farming land, with all the distasteful stuff
that go with that.
Anyhoo, farmers aside, we have recently been acquainted with the notion that if one
urinates in one's garden ( front and back ) it is guaranteed to keep the foxes at bay.
Well, we had previously thought that an old wives' tail, but all I can say, Ms. ?Ynnit, is :
!Yo lo tengo
Those manicured neighbours of ours - michael and gene fox(j) - can't even look at me any more ! and won't touch my friend and I with a barge pole. Which is ironic, really, when you consider that the foxes have antecedents living on the WarsawShipCanal    !   (aparently )
Nevertheless, to repeat , Ms. ?Ynnit,  
! Yo lo tengo

Best wishes



Steemin Onkyl





Dear SOnkyl


?! Are you literaly bonkers
I have indeed heard of The-Tidy-Village-of-Leekinmoyst.
More than that, I actually have some very good aquaintances there, mostly old wives.
Who tell me, in all good faith, that they aint never heard nor seen of no barge pole
in TTVoL,  probably 'cos there  aint no  fuckin' !barges  
as the nearest canal is so far away it aint  worth shoutin' 
about   !!
Tho, readin' between the lines of them old wives' 
scrawlyscrawnyshit writin',  there are    weirdly    a   few old punts  knockin' around   
but   tbph   thats to be expected in the country    ?innit 

All bets

?Y





Dear Ms ?Y

I'm not saying I have a garden (front or back) or neighbours whom I would want to bury there, but if I did have (on both counts) where would you recommend I put the bodies? Amongst the flowers and/or vegetables (hypothetically speaking)?, or separate from them.
If I didn't have a patio, for example (and ! I'm not saying I don't) ?would it be worth my while having one built.
And, speaking hypothetically again, of course, where would burying neighbours stand in that eternal struggle twixt individual liberty and collective responsibility  ?   !
And when it comes to the really noisy neighbours, should we not be setting the noisometer on ethical gauge?
And accepting that neo-Hebridean porn (let's say! ) is at every twist and turn in this crazy-modern world, are there ? still not limits to how much of that we throw in each others' faces. 
Please don't think I'm anti-libertarian per se - some of my closest friends are called Percy - but is it not stretching liberties rather when all one can hear, every fucking minute of every fucking day, are the jalopinous screams of Julian AssAngel,  the macroonious marls of TheMcWhirterTwins. I mean to say, Ms. ?Y   The Swallows of Young McWhirter ? !  really?  And aren't they dead, those boys? 
Oh ! a bridge too far surely, Ms. Y, a bridge too far     !

Regards


Oli Semen-Kynt




        Your a sick fuck !  Sik    ? innit