Monday 30/1
Nick Griffin
Griffin slithered in.
BNP. Jumped high-speed train.
!Platform for fascists? KENNI T. MOSLEY
Griffin slithered in.
BNP. Nicked thick-lift shoes.
!Platforms for fascists? NEK-NIT MOSLEY
Griffin slithered in.
BNP. Screwed Playgirl mags.
!Flatporn for fascists? KITENN MOSLEY
a STONE ! MY NIKEL production
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
SUN., JAN 29
fat
freaked out by thinfats
NewWeldOrder forge fatfats
stemming bank collapse
tho' fatbankers chill:
winter - urine inflection;
pissing in the wind??/ up the wall ?? at will
but(t) the fatfatfucks
get fatter !! and the fatfucks
get fatfatfatter
while the same/insane fatfucks
who bankbang on about cuts
are insane/the same fatfucks .
YON MESE-KLINT
with STEELY MINNOK
& STEMINN YOKEL
the FreaksAgainstTosspots group
fat
freaked out by thinfats
NewWeldOrder forge fatfats
stemming bank collapse
tho' fatbankers chill:
winter - urine inflection;
pissing in the wind??/ up the wall ?? at will
but(t) the fatfatfucks
get fatter !! and the fatfucks
get fatfatfatter
while the same/insane fatfucks
who bankbang on about cuts
are insane/the same fatfucks .
YON MESE-KLINT
with STEELY MINNOK
& STEMINN YOKEL
the FreaksAgainstTosspots group
Sunday 29/1/12
? why have a flasher when you can have a haberdasher?
the lisp-hewed haberdasher
sew (tho) cold
as a thimble of devotion;
the other haberdasher
love bold,
with cymbals-full of emotion
NYLON SEEMKIT
Doc enters, shouldering a heavy bag of lime
DOC: Well, Koo, haven't seen you for a while.
KOO: No. (looking at lime bag) I see you made it to Kolin Seyment's Lime Dancing class.
DOC: Yes. I take it you didn't then ......
KOO: It would seem not.
? why have a flasher when you can have a haberdasher?
the lisp-hewed haberdasher
sew (tho) cold
as a thimble of devotion;
the other haberdasher
love bold,
with cymbals-full of emotion
NYLON SEEMKIT
Doc enters, shouldering a heavy bag of lime
DOC: Well, Koo, haven't seen you for a while.
KOO: No. (looking at lime bag) I see you made it to Kolin Seyment's Lime Dancing class.
DOC: Yes. I take it you didn't then ......
KOO: It would seem not.
Monday, 30 January 2012
SAT., JAN 28
Ise, Sno & the case of the missing pastor
she googles goggles :
gets crack frogmen. mind boggles.
giggles and gurgles.
SLIM KEYNNOTE
We have something important to say and it's this: !Leave no stone unturned
Solving the mystery surrounding Pastor Frog is all of our concerns !
We have as much faith as the next man in the force of the internet.
Yet ... googling android tablets will NOT take you to us ! in any sense.
PM Dicky Kammerleg in conversation with Tiny Klonesme - 28 / 1 / 12
Ise, Sno & the case of the missing pastor
she googles goggles :
gets crack frogmen. mind boggles.
giggles and gurgles.
SLIM KEYNNOTE
We have something important to say and it's this: !Leave no stone unturned
Solving the mystery surrounding Pastor Frog is all of our concerns !
We have as much faith as the next man in the force of the internet.
Yet ... googling android tablets will NOT take you to us ! in any sense.
PM Dicky Kammerleg in conversation with Tiny Klonesme - 28 / 1 / 12
Friday, 27 January 2012
fri 27 Jan
In a world where far too many people had far too many answers, and no-one remembered what the questions! were anyway, The Frog 5, as they had become known
- Sno, Ise, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney - agreed how important it was
not to jump to any conclusions.
Especially today. Today of all days.
You do know what today is, don't you? Kelostemy Nin says finally to the other four.
Silence. Furtive glances.
You have heard of TheDayof !Yikes, haven't you? continues KN.
Silence. Furtive glances.
Oh ! Sorry, KN answer the other four, collectively eventually. Today .. ? is today TheDayof!Yikes
! No KN retorts. No No No !!!
In a world where far too many people had far too many answers, and no-one remembered what the questions! were anyway, The Frog 5, as they had become known
- Sno, Ise, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney - agreed how important it was
not to jump to any conclusions.
Especially today. Today of all days.
You do know what today is, don't you? Kelostemy Nin says finally to the other four.
Silence. Furtive glances.
You have heard of TheDayof !Yikes, haven't you? continues KN.
Silence. Furtive glances.
Oh ! Sorry, KN answer the other four, collectively eventually. Today .. ? is today TheDayof!Yikes
! No KN retorts. No No No !!!
Thursday, 26 January 2012
oh halo! mr loyne .. its! kolee .. kolee ?ynnit (ms) ere !! .. got the bleedin ansaphone again but 'ere goes . . blimee sounds a bit crakly this new blackbery of yours innit!? .. ive give that matter a longsome thought and sorry but i just cant .. can't for the life of me remember that story by ali g your bangin on about UNLESS its that one where this irish fella sings so shit that everyone in the ships lounge fleas as far away as posible which is only the other end of the boat in all truth. luckily just at that moment the lounge hits an argintinian iseberg and the boat stays afloat cos everybodys at the other end balansin it where their rescued by an american fishing boat
that must be the one innit !
that must be the one innit !
Wednesday, 25 January 2012
Loyne: Kolee, Hi!, it's Sikment... Sikment Loyne... Look I can't talk too loudly but I need you to do
something for me.
?Ynnit: What Sikment? Sos I'm not earin u 2 well .. what u chattin on?
Loyne: I'm on a may-bee.
?Ynnit: ?your on a maybe? is that like bein on a promise, cept your only on 'alf a promise ?
Loyne: Funny. Yes .. no. . its a new kind of phone.. you'd never believe me if I told you ..
?Ynnit: oh! a blackberry
Loyne: Yeah if you like. Look I need you to vouch for me. Remember that musical you and your mates went
to the other night? .. Well, you need to say you saw me there, okay?
?Ynnit: Oh !yeah . . what was it again? summat about a donkey ? wernt it
Loyne: Its working title was Ass picks his love (apparently) .. a kind of love story about Dennis and
Margaret Hilda Thatcher .. but we know it as Truly, Maggie ! Deeply by the WebbingTwins.
?Ynnit: Oh yeah!, that was when you said Thatchers bin done to death innit and I said if only haha and
it was summat to do with Ali G werent ? it
Loyne: I think you mean alle-gorical, Kolee. You know how it goes:
Maggie's happily married and all but gets it real bad for an Irish Crooner - Pierce Brosnan - who's 'doing the
cruise ships' and they get so distracted by each other that they all get on the wrong boat - Dennnis as well who's now
really jealous- and they head off mistakenly for The Falklands but wouldn't you know there's a sinister hand at work
behind the scenes and I don't mean a ship's hand or Spitting Image for that matter and Eamon Andrews turns up
with his big red book to do This is Your Life for Mags and Meryl Streep's invited to pay her respects and that also provides the perfect opportunity for Brosnan's love farrago and to get it on again with Streep for the first time since MammaMia which makes Mrs. T really mad but she needn't worry too much because Streep can't make it in person so sends her regards by way of morse code but wouldn't you know the morse code system's a bit shite and the only words that get through are tone deaf and tosspot and as Brosnan bombs as ship's entertainer Maggie goes back to her cabin to have the same recurring dream of Dennis dancing on the sea bed with spanish-speaking seamen as The McGarrigles sing Heart Like A Wheel : . . . . my love for you is like a singing ship
Well, that's the first couple of minutes taken care of.
Look, it's very important that you get the story right, okay?
something for me.
?Ynnit: What Sikment? Sos I'm not earin u 2 well .. what u chattin on?
Loyne: I'm on a may-bee.
?Ynnit: ?your on a maybe? is that like bein on a promise, cept your only on 'alf a promise ?
Loyne: Funny. Yes .. no. . its a new kind of phone.. you'd never believe me if I told you ..
?Ynnit: oh! a blackberry
Loyne: Yeah if you like. Look I need you to vouch for me. Remember that musical you and your mates went
to the other night? .. Well, you need to say you saw me there, okay?
?Ynnit: Oh !yeah . . what was it again? summat about a donkey ? wernt it
Loyne: Its working title was Ass picks his love (apparently) .. a kind of love story about Dennis and
Margaret Hilda Thatcher .. but we know it as Truly, Maggie ! Deeply by the WebbingTwins.
?Ynnit: Oh yeah!, that was when you said Thatchers bin done to death innit and I said if only haha and
it was summat to do with Ali G werent ? it
Loyne: I think you mean alle-gorical, Kolee. You know how it goes:
Maggie's happily married and all but gets it real bad for an Irish Crooner - Pierce Brosnan - who's 'doing the
cruise ships' and they get so distracted by each other that they all get on the wrong boat - Dennnis as well who's now
really jealous- and they head off mistakenly for The Falklands but wouldn't you know there's a sinister hand at work
behind the scenes and I don't mean a ship's hand or Spitting Image for that matter and Eamon Andrews turns up
with his big red book to do This is Your Life for Mags and Meryl Streep's invited to pay her respects and that also provides the perfect opportunity for Brosnan's love farrago and to get it on again with Streep for the first time since MammaMia which makes Mrs. T really mad but she needn't worry too much because Streep can't make it in person so sends her regards by way of morse code but wouldn't you know the morse code system's a bit shite and the only words that get through are tone deaf and tosspot and as Brosnan bombs as ship's entertainer Maggie goes back to her cabin to have the same recurring dream of Dennis dancing on the sea bed with spanish-speaking seamen as The McGarrigles sing Heart Like A Wheel : . . . . my love for you is like a singing ship
Well, that's the first couple of minutes taken care of.
Look, it's very important that you get the story right, okay?
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Loyne lingered fingered - DAY 2
( Phone no longer buzzing Insect neither )
ALL: ?So that was a may-bee then .. ( pause ) . . was it?
SNO/ISE: And the pastor's won and done, been done in, or 'done a Darwin' * ... Any which way you helped him along the way, Mr.Loyne, sure as legs is eggs. Trouble came his way then or now; an answer beg the question, odd though all the same. Canoe or no canoe, you can run but you cannot hide, eh Ise? .. Ise?!
(Ise shake head and nod as one) Here's the thing, Loyney old boy, (holds up old cassette tape to Loyne) . .
a recording of you and Henry Frog from way back, when you were school chums,?eh
Disturbing sounds for sure: Frog stormin the stall-warts of EddieStobart; aint pretty, truth be told.
LOYNE: You dont need to be an oil painting to get rich from trucking.
KELOSTEMY NIN: Not Eddie!, Loyne. Sno was talking about what we heard on the tape ... some most 'orrible noises. You'd be ruined if it was leaked to the papers.
LOYNE: I am the papers, remember ?
NIN: Not in Al Jumahiriyah al Arabiyah al Libiyah ash Shabiyah al Ishtirakiyah al Uzma!
That is if my sources are worth their salt.
LOYNE: Hmmm ... (pause) You'd be hard pressed to make any of that stick. The sound quality alone .. (covering) or so I'd imagine .. will be fairly shoddy so . .
MOLTE 'N SKINEY: (interrupts) You're missin the point, Sikment. Frog being made to play Leap-Chicken with Stobart is neither here nor there, however much the pastor was pigsquealin. We're far more interested in what comes later on the cassette ... some sounds you obviously didn't tape over.
LOYNE: There is nothing else.. (hurried) I mean .. (worried) what do you mean exactly?
M 'n S: Early morning recordings made in the woods.
LOYNE: You're bluffing.
M 'n S: A man identifying himself as you and then introducing us to noises ....
LOYNE: (quickly) . . still bluffing .....
ALL: . . ! BIRD NOISES !!
LOYNE: Damn you to hell !!!
SNO/ISE: Murky waters, Loyney. Reckon you're in it up to your dirty old neck. Henry as well probably, if he's still with us. !No, and we're not buyin any of that !HolyFrogTV crap neither.
LOYNE: (pause) . . . Can I make a call?
SNO/ISE: May-bee ! .. (with some venom) Ise!, pass him the may-bee, ?will you
LOYNE: (hesitant) ... It's..er .. not been buzzin .. is it still .. ?
ALL: (interceding) Sure.
* To 'do a Darwin': To fake one's death in an alleged canoeing incident. See John Darwin
( Phone no longer buzzing Insect neither )
ALL: ?So that was a may-bee then .. ( pause ) . . was it?
SNO/ISE: And the pastor's won and done, been done in, or 'done a Darwin' * ... Any which way you helped him along the way, Mr.Loyne, sure as legs is eggs. Trouble came his way then or now; an answer beg the question, odd though all the same. Canoe or no canoe, you can run but you cannot hide, eh Ise? .. Ise?!
(Ise shake head and nod as one) Here's the thing, Loyney old boy, (holds up old cassette tape to Loyne) . .
a recording of you and Henry Frog from way back, when you were school chums,?eh
Disturbing sounds for sure: Frog stormin the stall-warts of EddieStobart; aint pretty, truth be told.
LOYNE: You dont need to be an oil painting to get rich from trucking.
KELOSTEMY NIN: Not Eddie!, Loyne. Sno was talking about what we heard on the tape ... some most 'orrible noises. You'd be ruined if it was leaked to the papers.
LOYNE: I am the papers, remember ?
NIN: Not in Al Jumahiriyah al Arabiyah al Libiyah ash Shabiyah al Ishtirakiyah al Uzma!
That is if my sources are worth their salt.
LOYNE: Hmmm ... (pause) You'd be hard pressed to make any of that stick. The sound quality alone .. (covering) or so I'd imagine .. will be fairly shoddy so . .
MOLTE 'N SKINEY: (interrupts) You're missin the point, Sikment. Frog being made to play Leap-Chicken with Stobart is neither here nor there, however much the pastor was pigsquealin. We're far more interested in what comes later on the cassette ... some sounds you obviously didn't tape over.
LOYNE: There is nothing else.. (hurried) I mean .. (worried) what do you mean exactly?
M 'n S: Early morning recordings made in the woods.
LOYNE: You're bluffing.
M 'n S: A man identifying himself as you and then introducing us to noises ....
LOYNE: (quickly) . . still bluffing .....
ALL: . . ! BIRD NOISES !!
LOYNE: Damn you to hell !!!
SNO/ISE: Murky waters, Loyney. Reckon you're in it up to your dirty old neck. Henry as well probably, if he's still with us. !No, and we're not buyin any of that !HolyFrogTV crap neither.
LOYNE: (pause) . . . Can I make a call?
SNO/ISE: May-bee ! .. (with some venom) Ise!, pass him the may-bee, ?will you
LOYNE: (hesitant) ... It's..er .. not been buzzin .. is it still .. ?
ALL: (interceding) Sure.
* To 'do a Darwin': To fake one's death in an alleged canoeing incident. See John Darwin
Monday, 23 January 2012
lame loon Loyne linger long, laze longer
Sikment Loyne is questioned by Kelostemy Nin and 4 more carp-eyed clever dicks : Day 1
LOYNE : . .. So you're asking me where I was at the time of Pastor Frog's death . . disappearance ? . .
Well I'd taken Kolee (?Ynnit (ms.)) to see the new musical by The Webbing Twins : Truly Maggie ! Deeply
You can read my review ....
NIN / ALL: You're a lame loon, Loyne ! Ya know we could throw the duck at yer. We haven't released any details regardin the time of the Frognog, so how? could you possibly know
LOYNE : . You're right . . .I couldn't know that .. but I could know that you dont know squid! You haven't found Frog, the freak, the canoe, the 2CV. So what if all those things never existed to begin with, but were just ink-fuelled conceit?
NIN: Where would we be now if we gave up lookin for stuff that wasn't ever there in the first place?
ALL : Clearly with fewer oil reserves, less capital wealth, not so many corrupt
redevelopment programmes, that kinda thing ... ( silence furtive glances )
LOYNE : .. Or what if Frog, the freak, the 2CV were canoodled by a cartwheeling canoe - you know the French and the Law of Traction - then whisked away to an alien world rife with goons and flumes
or trains of thought gone awry
ALL : You're a sick shit !, Sikment ( an insect buzzes close by .. a phone buzzes too . .
.. a cop answers the insect . . the phone continues to buzz ..)
Sikment Loyne is questioned by Kelostemy Nin and 4 more carp-eyed clever dicks : Day 1
LOYNE : . .. So you're asking me where I was at the time of Pastor Frog's death . . disappearance ? . .
Well I'd taken Kolee (?Ynnit (ms.)) to see the new musical by The Webbing Twins : Truly Maggie ! Deeply
You can read my review ....
NIN / ALL: You're a lame loon, Loyne ! Ya know we could throw the duck at yer. We haven't released any details regardin the time of the Frognog, so how? could you possibly know
LOYNE : . You're right . . .I couldn't know that .. but I could know that you dont know squid! You haven't found Frog, the freak, the canoe, the 2CV. So what if all those things never existed to begin with, but were just ink-fuelled conceit?
NIN: Where would we be now if we gave up lookin for stuff that wasn't ever there in the first place?
ALL : Clearly with fewer oil reserves, less capital wealth, not so many corrupt
redevelopment programmes, that kinda thing ... ( silence furtive glances )
LOYNE : .. Or what if Frog, the freak, the 2CV were canoodled by a cartwheeling canoe - you know the French and the Law of Traction - then whisked away to an alien world rife with goons and flumes
or trains of thought gone awry
ALL : You're a sick shit !, Sikment ( an insect buzzes close by .. a phone buzzes too . .
.. a cop answers the insect . . the phone continues to buzz ..)
Sunday, 22 January 2012
!HolySkunkeTV pilot their OldeTymeMusikHallShow: TheGoodeOldeBoyes
Sketche One - Tailes acrosse The Ponde:
Menkl Noseyit and Toni Yesmenkl corresponde
Dear M Please can we keepe our chat to seventeen syllables exacte? (laughter)
Dear T ?Seventeen SillyBulls (laughter) Are we talkin hear mad cow disease? (laughter)
Dear M MadCow found her voice ?again (laughter) Damn! Belgrano and MerylStreep (laughter)
Dear T Heh, any sine of those WMD ? (laughter) My garden neades ..
Dear M ...WeaponsofMossDestruction !? (laughter) !Hmmm I'm in trouble. Can? you help
Dear T Just helped one of yours hop The Ponde . .Pastor Frog (laughter) ?? Wazzup old friend
Dear M The Skunk 's misquoted me on somethinge I sayd about teachers (laughter)
Dear T We dont like our skunkes to mix with teechers! (laughter) What you been? and done
Dear M Well I sayd .. teachers should be up to the job (laughter) I did NOT saye . . . .
Dear T .. ON THE JOBBE ?! (laughter) Ha ! Ha Your lucky you dont have a right winge press
Dear M !Well, I guess ! (laughter) But Ofstede have got a bit prickley about it (laughter)
It's really not the same over here anymore, not since Woodheade went (laughter)
Then you'd be guaranteed extra markes for teacher/student liaisons (laughter)
but now they can't be either satisfyinge (laughter) or satisfactorye . . . . (laughter)
Perhapes you could get me an elected position in Florida? (laughter)
Dear T Yah !Ill get Jed on it too (laughter) ..oh ..and er ..checke yer word counte (laughter) !! (17)
Dear M Ta, !Saucey I'll ensure I cunte, Count!! But beware! gravy images of ye Undeade and yon spellinges too (17)
(prolongede laughtere)
PASTOR HENRY FROG
! HOLYSKUNKE
Sketche One - Tailes acrosse The Ponde:
Menkl Noseyit and Toni Yesmenkl corresponde
Dear M Please can we keepe our chat to seventeen syllables exacte? (laughter)
Dear T ?Seventeen SillyBulls (laughter) Are we talkin hear mad cow disease? (laughter)
Dear M MadCow found her voice ?again (laughter) Damn! Belgrano and MerylStreep (laughter)
Dear T Heh, any sine of those WMD ? (laughter) My garden neades ..
Dear M ...WeaponsofMossDestruction !? (laughter) !Hmmm I'm in trouble. Can? you help
Dear T Just helped one of yours hop The Ponde . .Pastor Frog (laughter) ?? Wazzup old friend
Dear M The Skunk 's misquoted me on somethinge I sayd about teachers (laughter)
Dear T We dont like our skunkes to mix with teechers! (laughter) What you been? and done
Dear M Well I sayd .. teachers should be up to the job (laughter) I did NOT saye . . . .
Dear T .. ON THE JOBBE ?! (laughter) Ha ! Ha Your lucky you dont have a right winge press
Dear M !Well, I guess ! (laughter) But Ofstede have got a bit prickley about it (laughter)
It's really not the same over here anymore, not since Woodheade went (laughter)
Then you'd be guaranteed extra markes for teacher/student liaisons (laughter)
but now they can't be either satisfyinge (laughter) or satisfactorye . . . . (laughter)
Perhapes you could get me an elected position in Florida? (laughter)
Dear T Yah !Ill get Jed on it too (laughter) ..oh ..and er ..checke yer word counte (laughter) !! (17)
Dear M Ta, !Saucey I'll ensure I cunte, Count!! But beware! gravy images of ye Undeade and yon spellinges too (17)
(prolongede laughtere)
PASTOR HENRY FROG
! HOLYSKUNKE
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Friday, 20 January 2012
2.
the task is to see through the hag that supply the story of Hackman
So Ise, Sno, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney just happen to have the habit of being in the rite place at the rite time. In LA with the severed head (case still open) . . . then in the Forest of Dean with Frog freak flume french jalopy fatal floor/flaw (case still open) .. and now in the presence of Hackman/Hexman (case still open.) But what is the case in relation to Hackman ?
Well, let's put this as simply as tights will allow :
Jean Hackman has an alias, Joan Hexman, also authoress; who, on account of her (Hexman) 'capacity' to turn all fergusons into frogs, has come under the careful gaze of our five carp-eyed clever dicks who believe they now have enough to link Hexman/Hackman - let's call her H - to the above unsolved cases (and any more to boot.)
So the sleuths have H surely in their sites, but ?why Here's the reason: From Hollywood to Hand-knitted sweaters! (Hackman) lists patterns for jumpers with no head holes. Ideal for Henry Frog. Ideal for headless corpses (we must assume there is a headless corpse somewhere that's missing the severed head found in Hollywood!)
Thus the cops pop up at H's next book signing. Or rather her boo! signing, which is a book signing for the
faint-hearted. This is to promote H's new self-!HELP study Pamper! the ghost within you (Hexman.) Using the premises of Hair to a fortune-teller, which is H's sideline salon, a free facial is offered with every book purchase.
(she is) .. Washing the detectives . . . (Elvis Costello & The Attractions) plays over the loudspeakers.
.... she's filing her nails while they're drugging the lake . . .
I just been thinkin . . Sno remarks to Ise . . about them crack frogmen back in the Forest ...
.. . if their divin for crack, how much d'ya reckon they found?
SK
1.
the task is to see through the fog that surround the story of the Frog
A team of detectives had been pulled together to investigate the mystery concerning our Pastor.
Ise, Sno, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney were all headhunted from the recent case of the severed head discovered under the Hollywood sign in LA . The team was ably abetted by crack frog-divers who sifted the water flumes of The Forest of Dean for the Pastor's body, for evidence of the freak, for clues as to the canoe(s).
And yet to pursue so blindly The Skunk's story smacked of false allegiance, surely?
And that falsity could now be confirmed by Frog's work - Untitled - found lying in the 2CV tyre grooves embedded in the Forest's floor. How could those words be anything other than a cry of suicide in a french jalopy ..!?
Well, the dicks pulled together and found a fatal flaw in that supposed death note:
How could the Pastor have possibly. .sucked on the (petrol) fumes (L7 ) when the . . 2CV ..(had).. run out of fuel (L5)?!
No, the cops were in cahoots on this one. Where one read fumes (L7) one should now read FLUMES !!
It was a typo, surmised the sleuths, maybe even a deliberate one.
SLIM KEYNNOTE
the task is to see through the hag that supply the story of Hackman
So Ise, Sno, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney just happen to have the habit of being in the rite place at the rite time. In LA with the severed head (case still open) . . . then in the Forest of Dean with Frog freak flume french jalopy fatal floor/flaw (case still open) .. and now in the presence of Hackman/Hexman (case still open.) But what is the case in relation to Hackman ?
Well, let's put this as simply as tights will allow :
Jean Hackman has an alias, Joan Hexman, also authoress; who, on account of her (Hexman) 'capacity' to turn all fergusons into frogs, has come under the careful gaze of our five carp-eyed clever dicks who believe they now have enough to link Hexman/Hackman - let's call her H - to the above unsolved cases (and any more to boot.)
So the sleuths have H surely in their sites, but ?why Here's the reason: From Hollywood to Hand-knitted sweaters! (Hackman) lists patterns for jumpers with no head holes. Ideal for Henry Frog. Ideal for headless corpses (we must assume there is a headless corpse somewhere that's missing the severed head found in Hollywood!)
Thus the cops pop up at H's next book signing. Or rather her boo! signing, which is a book signing for the
faint-hearted. This is to promote H's new self-!HELP study Pamper! the ghost within you (Hexman.) Using the premises of Hair to a fortune-teller, which is H's sideline salon, a free facial is offered with every book purchase.
(she is) .. Washing the detectives . . . (Elvis Costello & The Attractions) plays over the loudspeakers.
.... she's filing her nails while they're drugging the lake . . .
I just been thinkin . . Sno remarks to Ise . . about them crack frogmen back in the Forest ...
.. . if their divin for crack, how much d'ya reckon they found?
SK
1.
the task is to see through the fog that surround the story of the Frog
A team of detectives had been pulled together to investigate the mystery concerning our Pastor.
Ise, Sno, Kelostemy Nin, Molte 'n Skiney were all headhunted from the recent case of the severed head discovered under the Hollywood sign in LA . The team was ably abetted by crack frog-divers who sifted the water flumes of The Forest of Dean for the Pastor's body, for evidence of the freak, for clues as to the canoe(s).
And yet to pursue so blindly The Skunk's story smacked of false allegiance, surely?
And that falsity could now be confirmed by Frog's work - Untitled - found lying in the 2CV tyre grooves embedded in the Forest's floor. How could those words be anything other than a cry of suicide in a french jalopy ..!?
Well, the dicks pulled together and found a fatal flaw in that supposed death note:
How could the Pastor have possibly. .sucked on the (petrol) fumes (L7 ) when the . . 2CV ..(had).. run out of fuel (L5)?!
No, the cops were in cahoots on this one. Where one read fumes (L7) one should now read FLUMES !!
It was a typo, surmised the sleuths, maybe even a deliberate one.
SLIM KEYNNOTE
Thursday, 19 January 2012
untitled
sitting at home thinking of her he wrapped a sow's ear in a silk purse
she'd lost her left lobe in ruthless attack while he was with Ruth way back
!It's done she said I'm out of this mess Mr.Two-Ears, no more distress !
she got her things left him the dog they had a last jump/he squashed her frog
full of self-wrath he took off at speed ran out of fuel - Forest of Dean
slept in the woods quite fitfully (don't get much sleep in a 2CV!)
sucked on the fumes and on Radio 2 Charles Aznavour sang her fave tune
Wot! a sweet way to leave this sad world with sow's ear tucked in a silk purse
HF
sitting at home thinking of her he wrapped a sow's ear in a silk purse
she'd lost her left lobe in ruthless attack while he was with Ruth way back
!It's done she said I'm out of this mess Mr.Two-Ears, no more distress !
she got her things left him the dog they had a last jump/he squashed her frog
full of self-wrath he took off at speed ran out of fuel - Forest of Dean
slept in the woods quite fitfully (don't get much sleep in a 2CV!)
sucked on the fumes and on Radio 2 Charles Aznavour sang her fave tune
Wot! a sweet way to leave this sad world with sow's ear tucked in a silk purse
HF
Thursday 19/1/12 THE HOLEY AND TOOTHY SKUNK
Frog croaks!
Pastor Henry Frog, self-styled leader of TheChurchoftheNatterjackToad,
has reportedly died in a freak canoeing incident in the Forest of Dean.
This comes after apparent difficulties in Pastor Frog's personal life, added to problems within His church, which had split effectively into two warring factions:
Those loyal to the Pastor sticking with Co(the)NT;
those inimical to him forging a new movement !Cu(the)NT (!ChurchuptheNatterjackToad.)
TheNatterjackBoogle, the clarion call o' Henry Frog, was at the heart of this power heist.
The gossip-mingering and rumour-paddling flooding through the Church had bamboozled
The Boogle to such a canoodle that ensue the inexorable, and the issue, befuddled-befiddled,
be folded, before a freelunch be called and a relaunch be borne in the rivalrous forms of
TheNatterNatterjackBoogle and TheNatanataUgotmorNataThanispropaBoogle .
The freak involved in the canoeing incident has yet to be identified.
Oli Semen-Kynt
Frog croaks!
Pastor Henry Frog, self-styled leader of TheChurchoftheNatterjackToad,
has reportedly died in a freak canoeing incident in the Forest of Dean.
This comes after apparent difficulties in Pastor Frog's personal life, added to problems within His church, which had split effectively into two warring factions:
Those loyal to the Pastor sticking with Co(the)NT;
those inimical to him forging a new movement !Cu(the)NT (!ChurchuptheNatterjackToad.)
TheNatterjackBoogle, the clarion call o' Henry Frog, was at the heart of this power heist.
The gossip-mingering and rumour-paddling flooding through the Church had bamboozled
The Boogle to such a canoodle that ensue the inexorable, and the issue, befuddled-befiddled,
be folded, before a freelunch be called and a relaunch be borne in the rivalrous forms of
TheNatterNatterjackBoogle and TheNatanataUgotmorNataThanispropaBoogle .
The freak involved in the canoeing incident has yet to be identified.
Oli Semen-Kynt
Wednesday, 18 January 2012
In the visitors' lounge of (onaDailybasis)TheHoley&ToothySkunk lurk two shadowy figures , facing each other: Pastor Henry Frog and Sikment Loyne.
FROG: I didn't expect to see you, Loyne.
LOYNE: I am the owner of this rag, Pastor, after all.
FROG : (cautious) We didn't know whether you were dead or alive.
LOYNE: (smiling) You can never be too sure.
FROG: ?So is that a yes or a .. (pauses a bee buzzes close by Frog watches ) .. so that's a maybe?, then.
(bee buzzing still . . . Frog insistent now) Would that be a maybe?
LOYNE: Well spotted!, Frog. (indicating to the bee) I see you've retained a keen interest in our insect friends
then. That is indeed a may-bee, a unique hybrid of the mayfly and honey bee. There aren't many ...
FROG: (jumping in) . . One in the eye for god, eh? And more power to the elbow of Darwin. (chuckles)
LOYNE: Hmmm .. and how is your canoeist chum these days?
FROG: (distracted) ? Mmmm
LOYNE: Your pal. John Darwin. Canoe Man
FROG: I'd hardly call him a friend, Sikment.
LOYNE: Thats as maybe. (bee buzzing ... pauses) However I do sense you have something to tell me.
FROG: (hesitant) Look, whatever I'm about to say is in the strictest confidence, understand? (looking around the
space, anxious, and as if for buzzing bee) It must stay within these walls.
LOYNE: (brusquely) That goes without saying, Henry.
FROG: I didn't expect to see you, Loyne.
LOYNE: I am the owner of this rag, Pastor, after all.
FROG : (cautious) We didn't know whether you were dead or alive.
LOYNE: (smiling) You can never be too sure.
FROG: ?So is that a yes or a .. (pauses a bee buzzes close by Frog watches ) .. so that's a maybe?, then.
(bee buzzing still . . . Frog insistent now) Would that be a maybe?
LOYNE: Well spotted!, Frog. (indicating to the bee) I see you've retained a keen interest in our insect friends
then. That is indeed a may-bee, a unique hybrid of the mayfly and honey bee. There aren't many ...
FROG: (jumping in) . . One in the eye for god, eh? And more power to the elbow of Darwin. (chuckles)
LOYNE: Hmmm .. and how is your canoeist chum these days?
FROG: (distracted) ? Mmmm
LOYNE: Your pal. John Darwin. Canoe Man
FROG: I'd hardly call him a friend, Sikment.
LOYNE: Thats as maybe. (bee buzzing ... pauses) However I do sense you have something to tell me.
FROG: (hesitant) Look, whatever I'm about to say is in the strictest confidence, understand? (looking around the
space, anxious, and as if for buzzing bee) It must stay within these walls.
LOYNE: (brusquely) That goes without saying, Henry.
SEYMENT'S SUMMARY of Nostlikeymen's predictions of events so far in so far as they relate to Koo and the rest of us 17.1.12
1. Doc tells Koo he has a year to live.
2. Koo's condition not obviously mental or physical but symptomised by poetic form and liberal content.
2. Poets' Korner (Milton Keynes) sends well wishes 2 Koo.
3. Koo understands his death coincides with TheEndOfTheWorld as predicted by The Mayans and
Pastor Henry Frog (more or less.)
4. Power of Eddie Stobart revealed, giving both The Press and The Bankers a run for their money.
5. Pastor Frog known to be suffering from PriestTraumaticStressSinDrome; Eddie Stobart implicated.
6. BBC eat humble pie over TheBigSink farrago (Plummer/Winslett)
7. TheHoleTooth and TheDailySkunk battle for Press supremacy.
8. Koo discovers that he and an unnamed celebrity-chef share a certain poetic symmetry.
9. Coalition leaders Dicky Kammerleg troubled by 'hybrid shark' story in Australia.
10. The Press becomes just one newspaper from now on: onaDailybasisTheHoley&ToothySkunk
11. Koo and Doc compile notes on each other.
12. Koo encounters Jean Hackman at her book-signing. K's repressed pigeon memories unlocked.
13. Day of !Yikes passes without major casualties.
14. !Yikes asks Nostlikeymen to shed some light on events so far (in so far as etctetc. ... )
15. Lt. Monkiesyne gathers the troops - !again; here are all of Koo's "friends", notable for having the same letters
in their names, just not in the same order. They wonder whether N's prophecies can be unravelled.
16. Musical diversion provided by the Chav 'N Daze tribute act MyStolenNike . . . and Kolee?Ynnit(Ms)' dancing.
17. Koo insists that not all of his mates are 'letter driven' and finds other friends to prove his point, eg:
The Doc; Pastor Henry Frog; Jean Hackman; Dicky Kammerleg; Chris Plummer; Meryl Streep;
an unnamed celebrity chef ; * General Clutterfat
18. Point not proven.
19. Koo and Doc go awol after Doc Stole My Brain headline in Holey&ToothySkunk.
20. Chris Plummer in hot water - !again
21. Kolin Seyment entrusted with summary of N's predictions.
22. Secret meeting of Pastor Frog and Sikment Loyne, who is revealed as owner of TheSkunk.
WOOPS . !! . SORRY Nostlikeymen ahead of the game - !again
* General Clutterfat is an expert on political extremism,
and author of The War on Tiramisu : Why skinny people plant bombes!
1. Doc tells Koo he has a year to live.
2. Koo's condition not obviously mental or physical but symptomised by poetic form and liberal content.
2. Poets' Korner (Milton Keynes) sends well wishes 2 Koo.
3. Koo understands his death coincides with TheEndOfTheWorld as predicted by The Mayans and
Pastor Henry Frog (more or less.)
4. Power of Eddie Stobart revealed, giving both The Press and The Bankers a run for their money.
5. Pastor Frog known to be suffering from PriestTraumaticStressSinDrome; Eddie Stobart implicated.
6. BBC eat humble pie over TheBigSink farrago (Plummer/Winslett)
7. TheHoleTooth and TheDailySkunk battle for Press supremacy.
8. Koo discovers that he and an unnamed celebrity-chef share a certain poetic symmetry.
9. Coalition leaders Dicky Kammerleg troubled by 'hybrid shark' story in Australia.
10. The Press becomes just one newspaper from now on: onaDailybasisTheHoley&ToothySkunk
11. Koo and Doc compile notes on each other.
12. Koo encounters Jean Hackman at her book-signing. K's repressed pigeon memories unlocked.
13. Day of !Yikes passes without major casualties.
14. !Yikes asks Nostlikeymen to shed some light on events so far (in so far as etctetc. ... )
15. Lt. Monkiesyne gathers the troops - !again; here are all of Koo's "friends", notable for having the same letters
in their names, just not in the same order. They wonder whether N's prophecies can be unravelled.
16. Musical diversion provided by the Chav 'N Daze tribute act MyStolenNike . . . and Kolee?Ynnit(Ms)' dancing.
17. Koo insists that not all of his mates are 'letter driven' and finds other friends to prove his point, eg:
The Doc; Pastor Henry Frog; Jean Hackman; Dicky Kammerleg; Chris Plummer; Meryl Streep;
an unnamed celebrity chef ; * General Clutterfat
18. Point not proven.
19. Koo and Doc go awol after Doc Stole My Brain headline in Holey&ToothySkunk.
20. Chris Plummer in hot water - !again
21. Kolin Seyment entrusted with summary of N's predictions.
22. Secret meeting of Pastor Frog and Sikment Loyne, who is revealed as owner of TheSkunk.
WOOPS . !! . SORRY Nostlikeymen ahead of the game - !again
* General Clutterfat is an expert on political extremism,
and author of The War on Tiramisu : Why skinny people plant bombes!
Tuesday, 17 January 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
lost Tuesday last Monday
BlueMonday blew
so hard, blew me into Tuesday
and a girl like you.
yet i held
it was the worst Monday in the world
to lose Tuesday Weld.
KOLIN SEYMENT / SONNEY & NONSEY KLIMET / IYON 'n STEEL (MK)
There have been various and varied responses to Nostlikeymen's rather lengthy tome detailing his prophecies about this and that.
Kliston Meeny opined that .. (it was) . . like wading through treacle .... or an Ofsted report written by blithering idiots. (truism here noted)
Kolee ?Ynnit(Ms) said .. (she) . . kinda give up when (she) got to the songs bit innit ?!
On that note, S.Moneytinkle wondered whether we should all give up since no-one came out of this with any great credit, save TheOneStopShop that is.
Other feedback was less favourable.
Thus the onus fell on me to summarise TheGreatOne's revelations, as far as they concern Koo and all of us.
I will present my findings very soon. Bear with me please.
KS
BlueMonday blew
so hard, blew me into Tuesday
and a girl like you.
yet i held
it was the worst Monday in the world
to lose Tuesday Weld.
KOLIN SEYMENT / SONNEY & NONSEY KLIMET / IYON 'n STEEL (MK)
There have been various and varied responses to Nostlikeymen's rather lengthy tome detailing his prophecies about this and that.
Kliston Meeny opined that .. (it was) . . like wading through treacle .... or an Ofsted report written by blithering idiots. (truism here noted)
Kolee ?Ynnit(Ms) said .. (she) . . kinda give up when (she) got to the songs bit innit ?!
On that note, S.Moneytinkle wondered whether we should all give up since no-one came out of this with any great credit, save TheOneStopShop that is.
Other feedback was less favourable.
Thus the onus fell on me to summarise TheGreatOne's revelations, as far as they concern Koo and all of us.
I will present my findings very soon. Bear with me please.
KS
Sunday, 15 January 2012
The meeting hall has cleared of all but three figures: Kolee ?Ynnit(Ms), still dancing long after the musicans have departed; Lt Monkiesyne and Kolin Seyment, still pouring over Nostlikeymen's words.
MONKIESYNE: Well at least two of us saw it through, Kolin.
SEYMENT: Easy things are easy. It's the hard things that are . . . hard.
MONKIESYNE: Would you be up to having a crack at presenting a summary? . .
?Tomorrow maybe . . where it relates to Koo, and all of us of course.
SEYMENT: Sure thing, Lieutenant.
MONKIESYNE: You're a rock, Kol, ta. Can you also put ?Ynnit's mind at rest? (looks over at Kolee)
. . She's still under the impression that Nostlikeymen is making money from abusing chickens.
Y'know, where he spouts on about . . paltrey profiteeringe
SEYMENT: Okay . . (pause) You never got to tell us all what was on your mind. ..
Do you fancy sharing it with us (looks over at Kolee) ... with me now?
MONKIESYNE: Well (hesitant) just between you and me . (quietly).. You may have noticed Koo and the Doc have both
been missing recently..(pause).. It probably has something to do with this headline (holds up newspaper)
DOC STOLE MY BRAIN
SEYMENT: Which paper ... ? (stops) .. ! Ah . . .
MONKIESYNE: (interrupting) Hmm, there is only one, right? .... And all kind of shit's been hitting the fan, as you can
imagine. (Chris) Plummer's been banging on about wanting his drain back, stupid arse!
The Doc got very upset of course. And Koo's taken it VERY personally too, mind.
SEYMENT: So we're kinda running the show, are we?
MONKIESYNE: Yeah, sure looks like it.
MONKIESYNE: Well at least two of us saw it through, Kolin.
SEYMENT: Easy things are easy. It's the hard things that are . . . hard.
MONKIESYNE: Would you be up to having a crack at presenting a summary? . .
?Tomorrow maybe . . where it relates to Koo, and all of us of course.
SEYMENT: Sure thing, Lieutenant.
MONKIESYNE: You're a rock, Kol, ta. Can you also put ?Ynnit's mind at rest? (looks over at Kolee)
. . She's still under the impression that Nostlikeymen is making money from abusing chickens.
Y'know, where he spouts on about . . paltrey profiteeringe
SEYMENT: Okay . . (pause) You never got to tell us all what was on your mind. ..
Do you fancy sharing it with us (looks over at Kolee) ... with me now?
MONKIESYNE: Well (hesitant) just between you and me . (quietly).. You may have noticed Koo and the Doc have both
been missing recently..(pause).. It probably has something to do with this headline (holds up newspaper)
DOC STOLE MY BRAIN
SEYMENT: Which paper ... ? (stops) .. ! Ah . . .
MONKIESYNE: (interrupting) Hmm, there is only one, right? .... And all kind of shit's been hitting the fan, as you can
imagine. (Chris) Plummer's been banging on about wanting his drain back, stupid arse!
The Doc got very upset of course. And Koo's taken it VERY personally too, mind.
SEYMENT: So we're kinda running the show, are we?
MONKIESYNE: Yeah, sure looks like it.
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